Why Complaining Accomplishes Nothing But Bad

As recently posted in the Emma Joy Weekly Newsletter

You Gain Nothing from Complaining


Hey, everyone.


Today I'd like to talk about the effects of a heart prone to complaint and why this is never in your best interest no matter your life's circumstances.


Whether you realize it or not, complaining leads to a discontented heart and blinds us to the very real luxuries we get to enjoy on an ongoing basis. It takes our minds off of the good and makes us zero in on what we cannot change or cannot control. It is a calamitous habit. Complaining gives us something to do but the results can be disastrous. Complaining serves to convince us that others have it better and causes us to think that life could not get worse.


Complaining distorts reality. It leaves us feeling dissatisfied, angry, and in a bad mood. It does not change anything. It is a pointless practice.


Complaining causes us to turn away from God instead of toward Him. It disrupts the harmony in all of our relationships. It disturbs our peace of mind.


The way of the wise is to consider your steps, examine how you have contributed to your problems, and ask God what He is trying to teach you through what you're experiencing.


The way of the foolish is to shut down, mock God, snap at the people around you, and give the devil an opportunity to remind you of everything that has ever gone wrong throughout the years. So now you aren't just in the frame of mind to complain about what is happening today, but you begin to recall every single time you have suffered in the past. And like lust, it is never satisfied. It will demand more and more until you're consumed and completely give up.


I challenge you to train yourself in the following exercise until you perfect it: Every time you go to complain, list three positives instead. Every time you want to engage in complaining, list ten things you have to enjoy. Every time you are tempted to complain, praise God instead. Every time you want to complain, remember that tragedies happen every day and you ought to be grateful for every hour you aren't experiencing loss or pain. And when you do experience loss or pain, personal or global tragedy, put your full faith in God and cling to Him. Quote Scripture. Remind yourself that there will be no pain or suffering or loss or brokenness in heaven. Remember the pain and suffering Jesus suffered on your behalf because your soul was that precious to Him.


Every time you want to complain, remember God's beautiful creation. Remember all the times you've made good decisions that led to healthy outcomes. Remember that every person struggles and some, to be sure, would gladly trade their losses and crosses for yours. Remember that the past can be redeemed. Remember that Jesus can give you a new heart and a bright, hope-filled future. Remember that we live in 2019 where all manner of inventions and technology make our lives run smoother in myriad ways. Remember who is still alive in your life that you care about and then send them a text, give them a hug, and call them letting them know you're grateful for every day you have together. Remember all the health problems you don't have. Remember all the times the Lord has made a way out of a bad situation. Remember that you have electricity, the ability to shower often, working toilets, books to read, jokes to tell, people to pray for.


Remember that every moment spent complaining is a moment that can never be regained.


Remember that complaining dishonors the Lord and is a terrible example to the people around you.


Remember that gratitude mends and complaining breaks. It hurts us. It affects our physical and mental health. It doesn't even make us feel better. Why hold on to something that leaves us feeling worse off?


"Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and say thanks to God for the troubles we don't have."


And keep in mind that healthy choices lead to healthy outcomes, healthy perspectives lead to increased tranquility, and deciding with your will to trust in God no matter what life throws your way is always in your best interest. It is these choices that will actually benefit you. It is these choices that will better your time on this earth. Unlike complaining that leaves you feeling hopeless, helpless, and disillusioned (often exaggerating the bad and diminishing the good).


Will there always be reasons to complain? To be sure. Will there always be reasons to be grateful? Most certainly.


As I stated in my previous newsletter, perspective is everything.

Why Wishing You Were Someone Else Is Futile

We all have days where we wish we were somebody else. Sometimes the stresses, losses, and unexpected trials of life blindside us and we find ourselves wanting to live someone else's life. This is a dangerous and illogical stance though because there is no telling what is happening in the behind-the-scenes of another person's life. For all you know, others might be wishing they could trade lives with you (despite how tedious your life seems in your own sight).


I've discovered through getting to know at least a handful of people very well that what they often portray on social media, out on the soccer field, or in passing conversation with fellow employees at work is not an accurate or full picture of the entirety of their existence. So much is left out. For example:

• When you see pictures of a family on vacation, you don't see the terrible argument they got into on the drive to the airport, the health problems in the parents' lives that recently have become much more of a concern, or the pain in each family member's heart as they recall the loss of a beloved grandparent just weeks before. You don't see the father's workaholic ways or the mother's crippling fear of the unknown. All you see is smiling faces and beautiful scenery which stirs up envy in your heart and causes you to believe their lives are more enjoyable than they actually are.

• When you observe a group of people laughing and having a good time, you don't see the addictions they secretly battle, the childhood trauma still fresh in their minds, or their current circumstances. This could be one of the first times they've laughed heartily in months!

• When you wonder how that one guy at work always seems to be in a good mood and you envy his ability to make others laugh, you don't see the time years ago that he purposed to begin using humor as a way of coping with a home-life filled with the unexpected due to a family member's mental illness or physical disability.

• When you notice a woman whose appearance and house are always well-kept, you're not aware that her past was filled with disorder and the lack of beauty and structure during her formative years has greatly influenced her perfectionist ways.

• When you watch viral videos by well-known YouTubers who have millions of subscribers and a few book deals, you might not think that sometimes he or she wishes they could go back to the safety of anonymity and obscurity when leaving the house for a day of fun and errands brought a sense of freedom and independence instead of their every move being recorded and speculated about on a grand scale through gossip magazines and the array of social media platforms available online.

• This holiday season, when you see an SUV ahead of you at the intersection with a beautiful Christmas tree hoisted on top (something you could not currently afford), what you don't see is the previous living circumstances and financial strain that prevented them from purchasing a tree for the last five years (even though they really wanted to).

• ...and lest you conclude that someone else has a more fulfilling life because they have money or travel often, what you don't see is that despite their apparent financial security and opportunity to shop or visit landmarks around the world, they might be utterly devoid of maturity, good character, and rich friendships. They might be insecure or have terrible non-existent relationships with their family. They might be trying to make a name for themselves through impressing others because they don't know their worth through Jesus or find their security and identity in Christ alone.

We are all complicated and complex creatures who have experiences, thoughts, emotions, and feelings others are largely unaware of. Evidence of this is the suicide of someone whom people would never guess struggled with anything life-threatening. Just spending time observing a person's bank account, internet history, or refrigerator will give you glimpses into the sort of person they are that apart from such knowledge, you'd have not a clue of these habits and interests of theirs.


Please don't think that other people are better than you. Sure, they might be better off, but that doesn't mean that this season of life will continue indefinitely in their lives (or yours).


There are things in my own life that I experienced as a child or teen that I am not open about with others. There are sins I have committed, places I have gone, people I have known, hurts that I still carry, and disappointments that sometimes flood my mind with waves of sadness that even those closest to me aren't aware of. I know for certain that my dad and grandmother think highly of me and sometimes I shake my head in disbelief or cringe inside over who I have been and who I am still capable of becoming that would bring them great pain if they only knew. This is proof that who someone is today (and what they have today) isn't a full picture of their life story (past or future). I'd venture to say that what we see on the surface in most people's lives is an edited version of their actual reality. It is the putting of their best foot forward, accentuating the glamorous and hiding the struggles. Shining a spotlight on the few fun or interesting aspects of life while keeping in the dark what is mundane and draining. I say this often but it is worth repeating: You don't know where someone has been or where they are headed. Life can change at anytime. Loss is a guarantee in this fallen world (to one degree or another, to one extent or another).


Our best option is to take responsibility for our own lives, make sure we are in right standing with God and others, build healthy and good habits, set short and long-term goals with action steps we can begin applying immediately, and take care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally through the right means and setting needed and appropriate boundaries. If we are ever seeking to better ourselves and honor God in every facet of our existence, we need not be concerned with the paths of others. We should feel led to pray for the less fortunate and for those who have more...because possessions, prestige, and privilege don't always guarantee a desirable life.


"If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd quickly grab ours back." Unknown

Crosses and Losses Are Better for Us Than Prosperity and Earthly Comforts

We bring so much of the misery we experience on ourselves through allowing our emotions to rule us and our thoughts to overtake us. If we purposed in our hearts to stop complaining, stop comparing, and to dwell on the prescription for right thinking found in Philippians 4: 8, can you imagine how different our lives would be? Yes, the circumstances may stay the same, but us in the circumstances would totally change. And we would honor God in the process and be a good example to those around us. Ignoring this encouragement will only hurt us and keep us in the defeated and downcast mentality we have experienced for so long. Make the right choice. And continue choosing to make the right choices moment by moment.

Don't you think crosses and losses are better for us, especially long term, than prosperity and earthly comfort if it keeps us focused on God, enables character growth and the producing of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives, equips us to reach and minister to others in need, and makes us lean on God for support, strength, hope, and help?


We as an American society have everything so backwards. We value riches, fame, and power at the very expense of character, goal-setting, living a meaningful life and serving others to their benefit. We pursue wealth at the expense of quality time with our families and negate seeking the Lord just so we can keep up with the Joneses. We settle for busy lives filled with fluff and pointless, empty distractions while the opportunities to serve our community and those around us are endless.


We have become selfish, entitled, and immature, and lack any depth to our personalities and character, yet somehow have fallen for the lie that worldly success means we are okay in life and have arrived.


We ignore the hurting, the lonely, and the broken because the pursuit of our own happiness takes precedence over giving of ourselves to those truly in need.


America is destroying itself. We are becoming the scenario presented in the film WALL E.


It would be better to experience consequences, loss, and hardship by the sovereign hand of Almighty God to wake us up to our daily need for Him and to give us a willing heart toward being used by Him in the lives of others in whatever capacity He calls us to than for the Lord to just let us continue living in the comforts of our own little lives.


We purchase daily coffee or dessert yet plea for justice for the human trafficking victim while doing little to make a difference. We spend hours in front of the television then wonder why we have become so sluggish and are not changing for the better. We are content with shallow conversations when everyone we meet is so complex and one of our greatest needs as human beings is "to know and be known" on a heart-to-heart level.


Surrender to God is our best option. Let us consider that the spending of ourselves for God's purposes far outweighs any selfish pursuit in meaning, joy, and purpose. What are we waiting for? What is keeping you from such a privilege? Sin? Laziness? Apathy? Wake up, sleepy Christian, and get a clue!

Life is Filled with Surprises

As recently posted in the Emma Joy Weekly Newsletter

To Compare or Not to Compare?


Life certainly does not make sense. Some people appear to have a promising future and end up shamefully failing, while others live for years as a seeming nobody and then God uses them in incredible ways.


You never know how someone's life will turn out, so it would be wise to focus solely on the time, people, and responsibilities the Lord has given you, knowing that life could always be a lot worse and just having breath is a gift from God. We are deserving of nothing and yet if each of us were to examine and list how much God has done for us, spared us from, blessed us with, delivered us from, brought about, used for our good (Romans 8: 28), etc. we would joyfully give Him praise.


I am in no way saying to just deal with it if you have suffered greatly in life (especially at the hands of other people in situations or circumstances that were not your fault), nor am I making light of anything you may have been through and the pain you suffered that others might not even be aware of.


I am only meaning to say that often times, the way we view others or assume what they are like or think we know how their lives will turn out is an illusion. I'd even venture to say that the way we strive to make ourselves appear to other people is a mirage, like smoke and mirrors, that we hide behind because instead of acknowledging God as our source of value, we too much look to other things for our significance when they are bound to fail or let us down, leaving us disappointed or feeling like the life we want is out of our grasp.


"We all have chapters we wish to leave unpublished," as one quote states it.


I'm convinced that if we were to know others intimately; their darkest secrets, their most worrisome fears, how they sometimes treat others, their thought life, and so much else, our perception of them would instantly change. We would quickly realize that the qualities they exhibit are only a small portion of who they are as a person (and we all have a past, every one of us).


In the game of life, the choices we make matter. They matter for the sake of our future, they make up our present, and they are what our past holds; for better or worse.


It always saddens me when people live by the motto, "Let me learn from my own mistakes." It upsets me when people who have great families and the ability to learn about God turn away from both with the belief that something or someone out there will bring about a better result than close knit relationships or a life of devotion to the one true King. It angers me when people take luxuries for granted while other people are truly thankful to just have a roof over their head.


Oh, the ways we justify poor choices and make excuses for living lives that do not reflect our status as a child of God! How blind and numb we allow ourselves to be! How ungrateful! How foolish!


Our example matters. Our words matter. How we treat others matters. What we do with our time matters. The little sins you justify today are turning you into the monster, addict, or person you are becoming tomorrow. Please repent of your pride, your willful ignorance, your complaining, and the sin you so deeply love. Truly consider if how you live is honoring to God or if you wish to call the shots with little regard to honoring Christ in all your ways.


I hope this newsletter finds each reader well and focused on what really matters. I pray that God is or will become your top priority and that you do not waste or spend your life on what might exalt self while separating you from the Lord and others. Each day we are building our legacy. What will you be remembered for? Are you content to continue living in sin with little desire to repent fully or pursue the Lord with renewed fervor and thanksgiving? Do you realize what God can do with a heart fully surrendered to Him? Will you be pleased to part with this world as one having made little difference or impact or can you see the importance of saying to God, "Spend me as You will..."?


Selfishness and sin bring people to ruin. How I wish I could turn back time and have followed Jesus beginning in my earliest days! Sometimes I hate the person I am; my envy, my rage, my insecurities, my past regrets and consequences I am still suffering to this day.


Other times the forgiveness of Christ and His continued work of sanctification in my life fills me with an exuberant joy that who I have been need not and should not define me.


No matter where you are currently, I hope you will choose on a daily basis to believe God's word and realize your true worth comes from Him alone.


How exhausting life is otherwise!

The Pain of Suffering Loss

As recently posted in the Emma Joy Weekly Newsletter

Loss, especially unexpectedly, has the potential of shaking a person's faith, leading them into grave depression, causing suicidal thoughts, triggering unhealthy coping mechanisms, enabling compromise, and stealing our joy.


I have experienced great loss over the last few months and other forms of loss just a year before. My family and I lost our house (which was spacious, beautiful, and in the perfect area), our ability to buy whatever we wanted, having to sell or donate a lot of our stuff, my mom had to begin working full-time after being a stay-at-home mom for nearly a decade, we could no longer afford the vitamins I need for my mental state to improve, and my step dad's absence (through walking out) has resulted in the loss of spiritual leadership, a father figure at home, and having someone there whom I could talk to about anything at any time.


Yes, life has been less stressful being away from the person my step dad became. And yes, God provided a nice place for us to live with the perfect floor plan, many luxuries, the ability to take long walks morning and night in a safe and lovely area, go to the gym 24/7 if I wanted, enjoy beautiful scenery, have our own garage, and be only three miles away from our previous house. I would cook and took pride in cleaning. The rooms were spacious. We were close to everything we needed. ...


Then a month ago they wanted to raise our rent by nearly two hundred dollars so we had to move and have been staying at my grandfather's home for the last three weeks and will be going to stay with my newly married sister and her husband today until we save enough money to get our own place.


I must sound so spoiled saying this but our living situation now is not the most ideal. This isn't to say we haven't learned lessons in this current season of life. My family & I all have and know God will continue teaching us lessons when we go to stay with my sister (who is the opposite of me so this should be interesting). Even though we were thankful, I know we took a lot for granted simply by way of thinking we would never lose anything else. The words of C. S. Lewis come to mind here, "Never let your happiness depend on something you might lose."


I do realize that learning lessons and growing in Christ-like character is more important than material comforts and I treasure & respect the Lord for the work He is seeking to do in each of our lives during this current season unlike anything we have experienced before.


I look forward to being more keen to opportunities where we can meet needs and be generous to those in a similar situation because we now know what it is like. I am hopeful and trusting that God is able to bless my family and I with a nice home again and that He is sovereign and in control despite our tendency to doubt. One lesson we've learned is to not complain and to see even the smallest blessings as grand. I am thankful for who God is and that He is a faithful God who restores in His perfect way and timing.


I regretfully haven't kept up with writing to those who contact me through my blog because I've been terribly down and my complaining heart and anger lately has been anything but honoring to God. It has blinded me for the most part to everything that is right in life and filled me with a rage you wouldn't believe. My emotions fluctuate from being super mad to being on my face before God in humble gratitude for everything He has done for me and like Job I then "repent in dust and ashes" (Job 42: 5-6) for shaking my fist at One who is most worthy.


Isn't it interesting how we form ideas about others while having limited knowledge about them and then worse yet, compare ourselves to them as if how they appear is worth envying?


As a blogger and someone who is fond of reading and writing, I see aspects of people's lives that I am jealous of at times. I have been quite transparent on my blog while leaving details about my personal life unknown.


I just want to encourage you all to not compare yourselves to other people. You never know what they are going through (or have gone through) and thoughts or habits that have the ability to destroy them if not taken captive and placed hourly under the Lordship and care of Christ.


I would appreciate prayer for my family at this time. We are hurting in many ways. Even though there is a lot to be thankful for we are still wrestling with confusion and sadness, just wanting to gain a greater sense of normalcy and be restored.

God's Ability to Use and Restore the Most Sinful Wretch among Us

If you feel bad about yourself, I really want to write words of encouragement to you in this post. If you feel worthless, hopeless, alone, or like your life will never be restored, I hope the following blesses you and gives you hope.


Having grown up in America, I can testify to the reality that consumerism, popularity, sex appeal, and the pursuit of anything that will make you happy leaves many people broken and suffering. I understand what it is like to be shy, to not have many friends, to be addicted to various forms of pleasure, to have a problem with self-injury and self-loathing, to compare myself to others, to not have money, to be the awkward one in the crowd, and to have zero confidence.


I also know what it is like to have grown in Christ to the extent that I have been restored, my past no longer haunts me, I am riddled with guilt no more, to have been restored in ways I never thought possible or even imagined, to have money for needs and wants, to feel secure with who I am as a person and to find my worth in Jesus, to offer God my life in its entirety with a peaceful trust and blessed assurance that He will always answer and act in the best, wisest, and most beneficial way possible; to my growth and sanctification & His honor and praise.


I know what it's like to be envious of others, to mock God in anger, to have issues with my appearance, to desire a more active social life, to not fit in, to have been the girl in high school who both dyed her hair bright colors and dressed in Gothic attire with makeup and demeanor to match. I know what it's like to have planned my suicide and scared family or friends in the process, to have been caught in a twisted web of poor choices and painful consequences suffered, to have been made fun of as a child and teenager, to have failed classes and gone to a continuation school because ditching too often and not completing school work led to no longer being able to stay at a regular high school, to have deeply wounded people by mean words, to be in a relationship with someone who was controlling, obsessive, jealous and possessive, to have gone from wearing scantily clad attire to hating men to the degree that I intentionally dressed covered up or wore clothes two sizes too big so I wouldn't be found attractive, to lay on the floor hysterically crying or cry myself to sleep many times, to have not graduated high school, and so much else.


I also know what it's like to have friends or family whose friendship has been a rich blessing, to have the luxury of working from home and studying often, to mentor youth and people of all ages or backgrounds as I share and dialogue about what I have gone through in life, who Christ is, and the miraculous ways He has transformed my life. I know what it's like to be comforted by God through His word and His people in the darkest of trials and to have found freedom through Christ over strongholds I had been carrying for years.


The point of stating all of this is to share with each of you that I am just a person like you, a sinful wretch apart from Jesus whose hand I must cling to at all times or I will stray on paths that lead to nothing but a labyrinth of pain and hurt, that I have a very real past and go through difficulty like everyone else which has the potential of shaking my faith or leading me to actual suicide. I want to be a humble servant and obedient slave of Christ yet realize how much Christianity requires of us; it is all or nothing and sometimes it is tempting to just walk away completely because I believe the lies of the enemy that being a "sovereign self" and doing what I please will prove to be a better life than being safe in the midst of God's perfect will.


It is by God's intervention alone that I didn't destroy myself through willful sin and stubborn rebellion. It is through Jesus alone who allowed some of the most bitter trials that lasted a lot longer than I thought they would (even thinking that I would just die in that condition because I saw no way of breaking free) who through such misery and constant questions or putting myself down and comparing myself to others that I grew to have a deep love for the Bible and a genuine commitment to the God who is worthy of all praise. It is through the depths of poor choices and selfishness, the consequences suffered, and as Corrie Ten Boom said, "You will never know that Christ is all you need until Christ is all you have" that I realized truly how perfect God is and how great my need was for Him.


"There is not a trial or difficulty, not a disappointment or vexation, but is God’s chosen instrument for making us holy." Andrew Murray


No matter what you have done, no matter the circumstances you find yourself in today, no matter how low you feel or how much you doubt that God can redeem and revive a sinful wretch like you, I plead with you to get on your face before God, even this very moment, and surrender all to the God who loves you and gave His Son to redeem you from the punishment we all deserve: an eternity separated from Almighty God. Begin to read God's word daily without fail. Have a constant conversation with God about everything from the smallest details like finding a parking spot at a crowded mall to beseeching the Lord on behalf of the homosexual couple living next door or your wayward child whose new found disinterest in God has broken your heart. Offer God a willing heart to do with as He wills. Commit your life to God in its entirety. Ask God to make your life count for eternity and pray that He would work in and through your life to the extent that being a willing vessel to be used of God bears much spiritual fruit and reaches people for the eternal Kingdom of God!


If you fear giving God full control of your life, consider His character as shown in the Bible. Yes, the Bible warns in Galatians 6: 7 that we shall reap what we sow. This in no way takes away God's forgiveness for our past or present choices, nor does it render us useless at the thought of God using our failures and rebellion as a warning to others and to offer hope to them that feel they have messed up too much in life.


"God is merciful to reveal/expose our sin. God is merciful to use us in spite of our sin." Nancy Leigh DeMoss


I invite you to write to me and share your life's story. Tell me what is on your heart. I would love to correspond about such important matters because I know firsthand what it is like to shake at the thought of giving God my future and to have grown in Him over the course of half a decade as I have seen that God truly is good and He can turn our lives around for His glory and the benefit and help of others in ways we never thought possible. Send a note my way at: EmmaJoyBlog@gmail.com or write through the contact form on my blog.


"When we murmur/complain, we're really saying we reject God’s choices, His authority, and His right to rule over our lives/this world." Nancy Leigh DeMoss

How Do You Treat People Who Aren't Considered Normal?

How do you usually respond when seeing someone at work, school, the grocery store, or walking by who is likely labeled as awkward, insecure, strange, or different? Is your first reaction one of cringing and wanting to avoid any contact with them, hoping they won't look up as you walk by or they don't stand in line or sit next to you in class? Do you join with others in making fun of their appearance, voice, manner, attire, or personality? Do you see them as less than valuable or make quick judgments based upon the limited amount of info you know about them (if any)?


What thoughts do you have towards people who wouldn't be considered normal by society's standards? It could be people who are mentally ill or look terribly depressed, those who are impoverished or not the fairest in appearance. Do you see them as dirty or gross, odd or unworthy of being friends with or showing kindness toward? Would you ever consider standing out from the crowd and doing the opposite of what the majority does in situations like this by instead extending gracious words, a helping hand, or the offer of friendship to them?


It is amazing how quickly we judge other people and form ideas about them when in reality we know little to nothing about them and what has made them who they are today. We don't know what their childhood was like, the sort of parents or family they grew up around, whether they have suffered abuse or have an eating disorder, if they are addicted to anything or have always felt like they don't relate to others. We don't know what they were just diagnosed with and the effect this awful news has had on them or who they lost recently in a terrible car accident. We don't know if their parents were strict and overbearing or on drugs and died of an overdose which left them an orphan at the young age of ten years old and so living at one place after the other has left them jaded or rough because lack of a structured life has bred feelings of insecurity and rage-filled anger, not trusting people or assuming everyone they meet will hurt or put them down like what they experienced during those first several years prior to being adopted. We don't know their living situation, if they are poor and cannot afford new shoes or fashionable clothes. We don't know if they have been bullied. We don't know if they have suffered in ways we can't even imagine.


...so who are we to think and why do we automatically assume that they are just trash or uncool when we know little to nothing about them?


How would you feel if your life came crashing down all of a sudden and you were left without relatives, a job, or a place to live? How would you feel if your house got ruined because of a fire or if upon the diagnosis of an out-of-nowhere mental illness left you with the need to take various medications that caused weight gain and due to financial circumstances you couldn't afford healthy food to help remain slim?


How would you feel if your parents said they were getting divorced and all of a sudden you lost the ability to live with both of them and so much changed or was lost in the process of their separation? How would you feel?


It's heartbreaking how selfish people are and how inconsiderate, rude, hurtful and clueless they can be. It is sad to observe cliques at school or work who not only ignore the new worker who isn't very confident but also gossip about them in cruel ways behind their back.


It is unbelievable when we can see hurting people in our churches, neighborhoods, families or often at the local grocery store or mall and yet walk by with a condescending attitude or pride in thinking we are better simply because we have a new car or purchased new clothes last week, can afford jewelry or go to restaurants often, grew up in a rich town or have always been outgoing which brought confidence and many friendships (or acquaintances) from a young age.


How shallow we have become as a society to focus so much on the outward while neglecting getting to know others for who they are and not what they have to offer or how much knowing them can benefit us.


As Christians, we have no excuse whatsoever to treat people as the world treats them. We are not to walk over people  or look down at them in order for us to get ahead. We are not to choose friendships based upon how much it can help us climb the corporate ladder. We are not to treasure the popular crowd while treating as worthless those less well-known (or seen as less than). Why don't we join together and not only keep our eyes and ears open for needs we can meet (even in small ways) but also go out of our way to ask around to see how others are in need of friendship, accountability, a listening ear, a place to stay, or financial support? Believers should be distinctly different from the world in how we live, speak, act, think, treat others (especially those less fortunate than us), what we pursue, focus on, and delight in.


What ways can you reach out to people this week to show the love and care of Jesus? Who can you call, spend time with, or write to with encouraging words and a sweet smile? Who can you help with moving (either by getting a truck for them, helping pack belongings, purchasing boxes, or lifting/carrying all the heavy stuff) to relieve the burdens they might be bearing? Who can you buy groceries for this week? What couples do you know whom you can offer to babysit for so they can go on a much needed and long awaited date night together? What ways can you volunteer in the nearby library, hospital, or after school program to bless and assist with any work or chores? Do you know any elderly people you can spend a half hour with two or three times a week after school or work and read to them or play cards or other games together (they might even enjoy just having someone to talk to, watch Jeopardy with, or take a short walk with)? Do you know any single moms you can make dinner for twice a week or buy a gift card for them each week from their preferred grocery store so they are assured having food at home?


There are so many ways we can serve others and bring joy to them in the midst of overwhelming, strenuous, or tear-filled circumstances.


As my teenage brother and I both say, "I want to be the friend I wish I had." Be that friend! Seek the Lord earnestly, beseech Him to become your top priority, humble yourself before Him, surrender all to His Lordship, treasure and apply His word to your every day life, trust in Him without reserve, love Him fervently, obey Him continually, love others for His sake, and in all you do & say, live in a manner worthy of your profession of faith and genuine commitment to Christ.  The unbelieving world is watching!

Finding Delight in Our Savior

As recently posted in the Emma Joy Weekly Newsletter

I've found that when life takes an unexpected turn, when the heartbreaking and saddening occur, when danger lurks or the overwhelming is closing in on us, many of us will say, "But God...if You cared, if You loved me, this wouldn't have taken place!" We mistakenly cling to the idea that if God is good, it means He'll never allow anything unpleasant, burdensome, or downright disappointing in our lives. We suppose that God's love equates the absence of difficulty at best or the allowance for a mediocre yet enjoyable life at least.


Recently my family and I were in a car accident. I was driving and our car got damaged to the degree that it's going to cost over 10,000 dollars to fix (thankfully the insurance is paying all but a few hundred of the price!), but we weren't physically hurt at all. This obviously put a damper in our plans and normal routine of going on drives often, making late night trips to the store for ice cream (my grandma's favorite dessert!) or extra fruit and vegetables (depending on what snack or meal we wanted before going to bed), among necessities and responsibilities we all have to attend to. It forced my mom to take the bus to work and because it was unexpected, put her under so much stress since that week and the one which followed she had responsibilities to take care of about 30 minutes from where we live and had no way of getting there. Because of other situations going on, it was extremely stressful and had the potential of causing us to question God's character or at least doubt that in the midst of numerous trials, God is still good, faithful, and worthy of our trust & praise.


We thank God we'll be getting our car back the first week of September and since the accident about two weeks ago have learned lessons and grown to have a greater appreciation for having the health and limbs to walk to the store, the bus to make it to school or work, and been humbly grateful for the ability to get a rental car or my sister allowing us to use her car for the time being.


I am unsure the various circumstances you find yourself in (either through unwise decisions or God's sovereignty). I don't know where your heart is in regards to God and whether or not you are doubting His very existence because you just can't understand why He has allowed you to go through such hard times either currently or in the past. What I do know is that God's word can be trusted regardless of our circumstances. I know that God is good and perfect, He always and only has our best interest in mind, and He will allow us to experience trials of various sorts for the building of our character and trust in Him and also simply because we live in a fallen world and have the free will to both be sinned against and commit wicked atrocities ourselves.


I've been pondering off and on lately everything God has delivered me from, made the way out of, allowed, withheld, and the times He has delayed in answering my prayers...and I've realized that I am so thankful my life is in His hands. I am thankful He allowed consequences to stop me from further going down a destructive path. I am glad He removed friendships and let me switch schools as a youth because He knew where the following months would have led me. I'm happy He exposed my sin and has made us in such a way that we need others and cannot overcome sin without the help of genuine accountability, Biblical Counsel, and godly friendships & mentors. And I'm thankful He allowed me to experience depression, mental illness, and isolation as a youth and young adult because it stopped me from being able to live a partying lifestyle like so many others my age sadly engage in.


In the midst of all of these experiences, I felt as though God had rejected me, didn't care, and basically had evil intent toward me. But looking back in hindsight, I know my heavenly Father was in control and used some of the most hopeless and terrible situations in my life for my protection and ultimate good. If you'd like to study resources on the topic of God allowing evil and suffering (among others), I highly recommend lectures, sermons, books, and other helps by people like Timothy Keller and Ravi Zacharias. Ministry tools by them have had an incalculable influence in my life in regards to correcting wrong views and misconceptions I had about God's character and allowing me to see God's sovereignty that encompasses our lives from beginning to end.


Trust in God. Commit your life to Him. Ask Him to become your highest priority. Pray diligently that He would give you a love for His word and a joyful obedience to it. Plead with Him to do whatever it takes to conform you more into the image of His Son and to break you of any pride or stubborn rebellion toward the thought of giving God full-control.


I would love to sit down with each of you and discuss God's word, His character, share lessons the Lord has taught me and the many ways He has been working in my life despite disrespect toward Him, blatant sin at times, and anger...and to hear about your life and the situations you've been through. Since this isn't possible, why not send a note or letter to me introducing yourself and letting me know about yourself? I have a heart for people and would enjoy dialogue about spiritual matters and growth. You can write to me at EmmaJoyBlog@gmail.com


"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8: 28

Bitterness: Acid of the Soul

Taken from http://www.heggthought.com

Have you been wronged, deeply? Is the acid of bitterness eating you up?


Bitterness is the resentment-filled residue of pain suffered. It helps us keep the memory of that pain fresh so we can feel good about acting badly.


Bitterness is an acid that eats its own container. It seduces us into thinking everyone else is wrong and we alone see the situation correctly.


Bitterness is hurts us much more than we know. Bitterness crushes joy. Bitterness fractures relationship. But most of all, bitterness is sin, an arrow launched at the very heart of God.


On the cross Jesus died, not only to pay the penalty for our sinful thoughts and actions, but also for the sinful actions done to us. God's forgiveness of us, rightly understood, can help us forgive others. We don't deserve it, and in our minds, they don't either. But the grace that now allows us to stand free and accepted before Almighty God is also the grace that can free us from bitterness.


God's grace frees us from having to settle the accounts by leaving them to God. It humbles us to see we are no better than those who have hurt us. But mostly, God's grace allows us to stop letting the pain of the past rent space in our hearts and lives.


Bitterness is the resentment-filled residue of past pain, that keeps its memory fresh, so we can feel good about acting badly. Forgiveness is erasing the residue.


"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:31,32).

How Do You Usually Cope?

Originally posted on WholeMagazine.org

When you are stressed, overwhelmed, burdened, sad, depressed, or lonely, how do you usually cope?


There are many ways we choose to cope, depending on the depth of the situation or the people involved.  It could be a recent breakup, loss of someone dearly loved, negative report from the doctor, PMS, stress from school/work, or a rude coworker or family member who can be rather judgmental.


We might blast loud music on our iPod, engage in self-mutilation, view porn or reality shows that always make us feel empty afterwards because we realize what a waste of time it was, drugs (occasional pot smoking or trying cocaine just once!) or sleeping around.  We might eat a lot of bad food, go to the gym or on a three mile run, or spend hours on the internet.


The coping mechanisms we return to time and again when under pressure almost carve a pathway in our minds that encourage us to return to them once again the next time something burdensome occurs (this might include returning to self-mutilation without even thinking twice about it whenever we are under stress or got in a fight with someone or feel ugly and unwanted or running to the internet and all its seemingly harmless options for taking our minds off of boredom or whatever negative situation/circumstance that occurs).


As followers of Christ, whether we want to believe this or not, how we choose to cope with the uncertainties and disappointments of life reveal our character and what we are placing our hope in, what brings us comfort in times of difficulty, and what we cherish most when life isn't going our way.  If we profess to know Jesus by our speech and then don't turn to Him right away when unexpected or hurtful situations happen, we are saying that His word and presence (and our ability to stop and give the situation, relationship, or circumstance to Him in prayer right away) isn't enough or won't suffice in our time of distress and need for healing, restoration, or peace.


Instead of turning to God's word and devouring it for hours, we would rather watch a television series on Netflix for eight hours straight, call friends who too often offer worldly counsel, or numb our pain through "stalking" people from our past on Facebook (not that we really care, but it's so much easier to waste time on meaningless pursuits than to face what we are going through and ask God for His direction, wisdom, sufficient grace, help, and guidance).


It's interesting how God, truly having our best interest at heart, allows us to go through trying times, situations that aren't perfect and circumstances that if it weren't for Him, would utterly break us.  The Lord sees the idols we so easily cling to, the sins that continue to trip us up, and how easy it is for us to run to what will bring immediate relief in times of trial instead of our first response being to turn to Him so we are enabled to see everything we experience in life through His eyes and His perfect wisdom.  We might be hesitant to admit this, but hopefully realize deep down that going through rough times where we are overwhelmed and can't deal with things on our own actually shows us our need for God and breaks us of feeling like we can live this life without including Him in everything.


It is God's goodness and gracious character that wants what is best for us, and being the perfect Father, He allows us to experience less than ideal circumstances in order to break us, build our trust in Him, teach us to rely upon Him, and give us hearts more fully surrendered to Him and His best for our lives.  I would rather experience hardship in life where God builds the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5: 22-23) in my life and gives me a heartfelt trust in Him where He becomes my highest priority than live a worry-free life where God isn't my main focus and I'm basically the captain of my own fate.  Don't wait until you realize through continued trial and error that seeking to be a "sovereign self" and live life how you want while disregarding the Lord's authority over your life is not the best option.  I believe offering God a heart that is fully His, to do with as He wills, for His glory and our growth is really the best choice.  Better to live life with God having His rightful place on the throne of your heart as your Master in all things than to keep back aspects of your life from Him who knows all things and wants what is best for you in every situation.


The next time something goes wrong or upsets you, turn to God and ask Him to teach you what He intends for you to learn through what He allows and to give you a willing heart toward living life His way and glorifying Him in all aspects of your life - including how you cope with the unexpected.


C. S. Lewis wisely said, "To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?"


Trust Him!

Learning to Trust God as We Wait

Originally posted on WholeMagazine.org

Trusting God.


How difficult this can be, yet how needed it is!


There are many times where we are tempted to take matters into our own hands and believe that rushing into a decision or choosing to date someone who isn't a genuine Christian (instead of waiting on God's timing) is what is best, despite how God calls us to be patient, wait on Him, and lead lives in accordance to His word and His prescription for a God-honoring life.  We may doubt that God knows the desires of our hearts and wants what is best for us in all things - even if that means having to wait.


Instead of spending time in daily prayer, offering God a surrendered and obedient heart that is open and willing to embrace His will in everything, and asking for His intervention and guidance in all things, we are prone to rush to our friends or even worldly wisdom such as magazines or articles on various web sites that are anything but Biblical so we can then have the "ammo" we need for making choices in life.


God has so much more for us than merely granting our requests simply because we are persistent in asking.  He very well may answer our prayers, yet asking for His answers to prayer in His way and timing (not ours) will guarantee the best result when our desires are finally fulfilled.


The next time you feel drawn toward seeking advice from your friends or a co-worker, try seeking godly counsel instead and making this a weekly event so you can grow spiritually and be more certain you are living your life and basing your decisions on God's word and counsel that is in accordance to His heart and perfect will.  It is so much better to pray and give all your wishes and longings to the Lord, leaving them in His hands to do with them as He wills, then to doubt His ability to hear and answer in the right timing and do things your way...all to miss out on His best and the lessons He wanted to teach you through waiting and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5: 22-23) and character change He wanted to build in you as you patiently waited on Him and lived for His glory and honor (in a way that reflects Jesus' example).


Seek to keep God first in all aspects of your life, not just the ones where it is convenient to include Him.  It has been said, "The safest place in all the world is the center of God's will."  Keep this in mind even in difficulty, sorrow, trials, and hardship; knowing that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8: 28) and that His ultimate goal is to conform you more into the image of His Son (Romans 8: 29).


Surely, God sees your sadness, your heartache, your burdens, your worries and concerns, your desires, your wants, your anxiety and fears, your longings, and your needs.


Timothy Keller has said something to the effect of, "Imagine the people around the cross as Jesus was dying, feeling sad and questioning why such a perfect person had to die and why they were going through this, but that part of the Bible wasn't yet written; they didn't have a book explaining why Jesus had to die.  ...the problems in your life, you don't have a book for."


God, being all-knowing, wise, sovereign, faithful, and good always and only has your best interest at heart.  Don't miss out on all He wants to teach you and ways He wants to use you in this season of life because you are too busy desiring to rush into the future and the blessings it holds.


Make the most of each day and let it be your heart's desire to draw nearer to God.  Continue to pray for your future spouse and what you hope to accomplish, yet enjoy this season of life; whether you are still single, haven't started or completed college yet, or are still living at home.

May we rejoice in the advice offered by Elizabeth George:

God’s guidelines for making right choices:

--Always choose to do what’s right.

--Consult your Bible before making decisions.

--Make no decision without prayer.

--Seek counsel before making decisions.

--Believe God has your best in mind.