6 Lessons on Relationships that Animated Movies Teach Your Children

Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com

"The earliest messages are often the longest-lasting messages. Charles Spurgeon said that the voices of childhood echo throughout life so that 'The first learned is generally the last forgotten.' This can be a tremendous blessing when truth is taught early and when it sinks in deep. […] But this same principle can prove troublesome when the first lessons learned are poor ones, because those lessons are hard to correct and harder still to erase." –Tim Challies

Animated movies can be very fun to watch. They often bring quality family time and quotable humor. However, it can be easy to forget that even cartoons set forth a specific worldview that can shape a person’s view of beauty, relationships, and love for years to come. Whether subliminally or bluntly, the films teach lessons that may clash with the principles parents seek to instill in their kids during their formative years.


Children are impressionable and will likely emulate with their siblings or peers what they see modeled in interactions between movie characters. If stubbornness, rebellion, disrespect, laziness, or pride are exhibited, kids will think this is acceptable behavior or a normal way of being. When paired with catchy songs, dazzling apparel, or thrilling adventures, they will be all the more likely will to act out or think in a similar way as the characters they observe.


Romantic relationships frequently pop up as major plot points. Almost always close to idyllic, the relationship usually ends with a "happily ever after." Practically everybody knows that this is exaggerated fantasy with no real world correspondence. However, this fills young and impressionable minds with lofty ideas and unrealistic expectations because they have not lived long enough to understand the flaws of human nature and the conflicting wills that arise in a joint union.

Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

5 Internet Dangers Your Children Won’t Mention

Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com

If your kids are awake, they’re probably on a smartphone, in front of a smart TV, downloading apps, or posting to social networks. And most likely you have no idea what they’re doing. –IParent.tv

While the Internet brings many positive opportunities to learn, laugh, and connect with our family and friends, it also gives easier access to many dangerous temptations, resources, and people. You may not be aware of all the dangers available if it’s used without any accountability or guidelines and how it can ruin your child’s reputation and self-esteem, scarring them in ways that may take years to undo.


Danger 1–I can access pornography.

Pornography can be found for free on any social media platform or Internet browser. Chat rooms include links to some of the most deranged content. Naked photos of non-consenting adolescents can be shared like wildfire among youth (also known as revenge porn) and easily fall into the hands of predators who upload the content to various websites so the pictures or videos cannot be contained from further exposure.


Porn stars usually have their own website or Facebook and Twitter accounts in which they post clips of their latest scenes, nude pictures, and promote other porn stars while including the links to the videos they have made together. Erotica can be found and read for free, while appalling sex scenes, dialogue, and practices can be seen in movies and television shows easily.

Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

How Any Dad Can Hurt His Children Without Even Knowing

Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. –Frederick Douglass

Countless lives testify to this reality. Every child grows up in an environment that either fosters health and wholeness or takes away from the potential of a noteworthy existence. Most often, the influence and teaching of a father drives one of these two options.


As the following points substantiate, fathers make a lasting impression on their kids. What they do, and do not do, will stay with them for years to come. Such a role must be taken seriously and given the utmost attention. Fathers who want to positively impact their children should avoid the following:


Communicating Inconsistently

One of the essential tenets of a good relationship is consistent and honest communication. Intimacy forms the closer you connect with someone, and connecting with someone involves sharing your heart with him or her and taking the time daily to grow in your knowledge of him or her as well. Growing up in a household filled with healthy communication gives children a safety net of sorts and an example to follow. It teaches kids that it is good and right to share openly, ask questions, and seek help.


However, a lack of regular communication stifles a healthy mindset regarding problems in life and even goals and desires. It hinders the development of maturity, a readiness to admit fault, and a willingness to apologize. It causes children to keep their feelings to themselves and can propel them to looking for acceptance and a listening ear in possibly dangerous places since they aren’t receiving teaching and admonition in the home.

Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Necessity of Fathers and Peril of the Lack Thereof

By Dr. James Dobson

Chief among the threats to this generation of boys is the breakdown of the family. Every other difficulty we will consider has been caused by or is related to that fundamental tragedy. It can hardly be overstated. We have been emphasizing for years that stable, lifelong marriages provide the foundation for social order. Everything of value rests on those underpinnings. Historically, when the family begins to unravel in a given culture, everything from the effectiveness of government to the general welfare of the people is adversely impacted. This is precisely what is happening to us today. The family is being buffeted and undermined by the forces operating around it. Alcoholism, pornography, gambling, infidelity, and other virulent infections have seeped into its bloodstream. "No-fault divorce" is still the law of the land in most states, resulting in thousands of unnecessary family breakups. Clearly, there is trouble on the home front. And as we all know, it is the children who are suffering most from it. In cultures where divorce becomes commonplace or large numbers of men and women choose to live together or copulate without bothering to marry, untold millions of kids are caught in the chaos.


If I may be permitted to offer what will sound like a hyperbole, I believe the future of Western civilization depends on how we handle this present crisis. Why? Because we as parents are raising the next generation of men who will either lead with honor and integrity or abandon every good thing they have inherited. They are the bridges to the future. Nations that are populated largely by immature, immoral, weak-willed, cowardly, and self-indulgent men cannot and will not long endure. These types of men include those who sire and abandon their children; who cheat on their wives; who lie, steal, and covet; who hate their countrymen; and who serve no god but money. That is the direction culture is taking today's boys. We must make the necessary investment to counter these influences and to build within our boys lasting qualities of character, self-discipline, respect for authority, commitment to the truth, a belief in the work ethic, and an unshakable love for Jesus Christ. The pursuit of those objectives led me to undertake the writing of this book [Bringing Up Boys: Practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of men].

The Benefit of Delayed Gratification

In Praise of Delaying

by David W. Hegg

Recently I was involved in a conversation with some parents about teenage sexual activity. Several commented that, while we push our kids into college, and travel, and getting settled into a career before marrying, God must have intended marriage to happen at an earlier age since he endowed teens with such a robust sex drive.


After biting my tongue as long as I could, I finally pushed back on the conclusion the group had come to. I asked how many thought 16 year olds had the maturity, either mentally or emotionally, to create good marriages let alone be good parents. The silence was golden.


So what is the answer? Here’s mine, and it is all about something we are fast losing in our day. It’s called delayed gratification, and without it societies whither away of their own volition.


Sexual appetites being what they are will always need to be curtailed by self-discipline, even when you enter into a committed marriage relationship. Perhaps it is for this reason that the sex drive appears in the human animal long before the emotional and intellectual maturity to form a lasting marriage is gained. And perhaps this is so because God knows that the product of sex – little humans! – deserve to be raised in an environment crafted out of the radical commitment their parents have to one another, to their marriage, and to their offspring. The discipline learned before marriage becomes the necessary foundation for the disciplined commitment and effort necessary to make marriage and family work well.


We are watching a society being overwhelmed with those who are adults chronologically but have never left adolescence simply because they were never forced to progress past adolescent levels of maturity. And it may be because they never learned the benefit of delayed gratification.


Today, too many moms and dads are opting to be their kids’ friends and homies rather than the character-shaping, ethics-building parents every child desperately needs. They are so afraid their kids might get their feelings hurt, or have the self-esteem damaged, or worse, get so mad they rebel, smoke pot, or get pregnant. And so these parents indulge their children’s desires, keeping them happy with bribes made up of what really are adult privileges and possessions.


Kids who get money, and smart phones, and cars, and adult privileges handed to them often fail to grasp the responsibilities attached to these things because they’ve not yet developed the character necessary. Worse, they grow up believing they’re entitled to everything they desire without ever needing to earn the right to them. Sadly, we see this most poignantly demonstrated in the wanton sexuality now accepted as normal among our youth today. They want it, and they want it now, and yet aren’t mature enough to understand either the responsibilities or the regrets attached to uncommitted sexuality.


Simply put, this type of child-centered parenting means never having to wait for anything. There is no delayed gratification, hence no development of the character necessary for it. And the final result is a generation of adults who have no perseverance when discipline and hard work are required.


And if you’re still looking for a good present for your teen or college student, let me suggest Tom Brokaw’s best seller “The Greatest Generation.” Yes, it is a collection of stories about men and women who served our country in World War II. But it is more than that.


In essence it is a summary of what makes for a great man or woman. It is a wonderfully told story of the character, integrity, honesty, grit, and commitment necessary to do the hard things in life, in the right way and for the right reasons.


But mostly, it is a course in the enormous benefit of delaying what you may long for in order to be the best edition of yourself possible. Buy it, read it, and spend the time to talk about it with the kids in your life. After all, our world will soon be in their hands, and if we don’t prepare them in the best way, our society will lead them down the very destructive path of entitlement. And that’s what we need to delay as much as possible.

The High Calling of Motherhood

By Geoffrey Kirkland

No greater calling exists, in all the universe, for a mother than the God-given responsibility of being a worker at home and caring for her own children. No prestige, money, fame, social status, or honor that the world gives could ever remotely come close to the supremely high calling of motherhood. Indeed, no calling in all the world is more difficult than that of the full-time task of motherhood. The Bible clearly presents motherhood as a supremely high responsibility for all women with children. To abdicate this role is to lose everything. A most pitiful woman would be one with the highest accolades in the corporate world, an untouchable reputation, comfortable paychecks, an ever-growing social network, and honorable achievements in her workforce but at the same time her home life is a wreck. God’s design for women with children is to be workers at home and to be busy doing what He has perfectly called and designed them to do.


The high calling of motherhood includes the following seven responsibilities.


1) Teaching
Solomon exhorts his son not to forsake the teaching of his mother (Prov 6:20). Clearly his mother played a crucial part of teaching the children. The father is absent much of the day because he is at work. But the one who spends most of the time with the children is the mother. She is there in the morning, at play time, during room time, for discipline, and for meals around the table. There are endless opportunities for teaching that exist in the home from day to day. As the mother observes sin, disciplines her children, instructs them on safety, exhorts them to respect authority, and pleads with them to love others more than themselves, abundant opportunities exist for the teaching of the children. But most of all, the mother is one who takes the Word of God and teaches her children the sacred writings which are able to give salvation through faith in Jesus Christ (2 Tim 3:15).


2) Modeling
Young Timothy had a godly grandmother, Lois, as well as a godly mother, Eunice. These women had a sincere faith and modeled it for young Timothy (2 Tim 1:5). As he grew up, Timothy was able to observe his mother walk with God, live for Christ, study the Word, and teach him the truth of Scripture relentlessly. Mothers must model godliness for the children. Much can be taught, but much more is caught. Children must observe their mother confess her sin when she has sinned against God (and others). They must hear her repent of sin. They must see her committed to holiness, fervent in prayer, and regular in studying Scripture. Children must see their mother endeavor to live quietly in the home as she submits to her own husband in everything. They must see purity on TV, hear purity from the music, observe holiness in her conversations, and watch piety in her conduct. A godly mother must model Christ for her children.


3) Evangelizing
The preeminent responsibility of every parent is to regularly give the gospel of salvation to the children so that they may be saved from divine wrath. The mother takes the Word and brings it to bear daily as the children sin. When the mother is in the room giving discipline to small children for their sin, she opens the Word, shows them where they sinned against God, and after the discipline occurs, she lovingly embraces the child and presents the grace of God in Christ. A godly mother has one preeminent ambition in her calling as a mother and that is to see her children be born again by God to a living hope. Yet, the mother fully recognizes her absolute inability to save her children from divine wrath. She knows her children’s hearts are wildly sinful (Jer 17:9) and raging against God (Prov 19:3). She believes that God alone saves sinners by grace (Eph 2:8-9). She pleads with her children to be reconciled to God (2 Cor 5:20) and to be justified by faith alone (Rom 3:24). Her life and her mothering could be summed up in this one phrase: the relentless pursuit of winning her children’s souls to Christ, a glorious Savior.


4) Discipling
God calls all Christians to go and make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:19-20). This discipling includes the instructing and teaching of all that Christ commanded. Motherhood entails discipleship. A godly mother leads her children to the cross but she also instructs them in how to walk in the shadow of the cross. Children need to be instructed in biblical truth (Deut 6:7). God entrusts the unspeakable responsibility and important duty of showing the children what it looks like for a young Daniel to walk with God, for a teenage Joseph to obey His God, for a young King Joash to honor his God, and for the young King Josiah to lead with humility and godliness. Parents must disciple with intentionality and with regularity. Motherhood provides no breaks, no rests, no days off, and allows for no slacking off. The high calling that God gives to all mothers is to disciple the souls of her children toward Christ and in Christlikeness.


5) Praying
Hannah fervently prayed to God for a son since she was barren (1 Sam 1:15, 19-20). God heard the pouring out of her soul in prayer and he remembered her and answered her by allowing her to conceive and bear a son (1 Sam 1:27). She prayed fervently and with earnestness for a son and then when God granted that request, she gave her boy back to God (1 Sam 1:28). Then she prayed and exalted her God (1 Sam 2:1ff). Hannah prayed with zeal, she poured out her soul, she prayed in her praying, she took hold of God, and she gave God no rest until He heard and until He answered her requests. The power of motherhood comes on the knees. In the weak moments and in the sleepless nights, unspeakable power comes to those who cry out in prayer and seek God’s face in heartfelt prayer on behalf of her children. A woman who prays for the souls of her children truly loves them and a woman who labors long for their souls is a woman who longs to be with her children far beyond the years in this world. A mother must humbly come to God and regularly bring her children to God so that he would bring the fire of salvation to the wood of her teaching. Godly mothers labor for their children, not for physical needs merely, but for their souls preeminently.


6) Trusting
A godly mother trusts in the Lord with all her heart (Prov 3:5). She knows that it is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man (Ps 118:8). She confidently believes in her God and knows that He is ever faithful. She affirms the Word of God that her children are holy through the influence of a godly parent (1 Cor 7:15). She trusts that God will bless her labors and that he will save her children through the relentless and ongoing instruction in the gospel. She does not presume in the salvation of her children but she prays in faith and believes that God will bless the dwelling of the righteous (Prov 3:33). A mother has the unspeakable privilege of trusting in her God not only in the affairs of everyday life but also for the eternal welfare of her children.


7) Persevering
Mothering is tiring. To care for little, helpless infants at all hours of the day quickly drains a mother’s energy. Going back into that room for corporal punishment after that (same) child has sinned (again) by thundering out verbal anger can sap a mother’s strength. Ministering the gospel to teenage children wrestling with rejection from friends, a bad grade on that test, and feeling rejected by a coach can be time-consuming. Yet the high calling of motherhood demands that she persevere even through tiring times. She knows that she must seek the Lord and His strength (Ps 105:4). She waits on the Lord and affirms that in doing so she will gain new strength and that she will run and not grow tired (Isa 40:31). She believes that she must not grow weary in doing good (2 Thess 3:13). She knows that in her mothering, she must be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might (Eph 6:10). So she perseveres through all the dirty diapers, she endures through all the discipline situations each day, she continues to give grace and gospel truth to her children even when they are selfish, unloving, and rude. And she reminds herself that after she has suffered even for a little while that the God of all grace, who called her to His eternal glory in Christ, will perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish her (1 Peter 5:10). And so, she perseveres. When she is weak, she is strong. When she feels broken, she is healed through Christ’s gospel. And when she feels like all is hopeless, she hopes in God’s unchanging power and in His matchless faithfulness. And so, the high calling of motherhood entails a mom who perseveres.


“But whatever else you neglect, do not neglect to follow your children with your daily prayers. Very often, this is the only thing which is left to mothers. Their children are either removed far from them, or, if near, they have lost their influence over them. But there is One, who is near to them, and who can influence them. O mothers! plead for your dear offspring at the throne of grace; travail in birth for them a second time--may they be born again. God is gracious. God will regard the fervent, persistent cry of Christian mothers.”
— Archibald Alexander


Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother. Certainly I have not the powers of speech with which to set forth my valuation of the choice blessing which the Lord bestowed on me in making me the son of one who prayed for me, and prayed with me. How can I ever forget her tearful eye when she warned me to escape from the wrath to come?... How can I ever forget when she bowed her knee, and with her arms about my neck, prayed, "Oh, that my son might live before Thee!" 
— Charles Spurgeon


A mother’s power always lies in the fact that she prays for her child! 
— Abraham Kuyper

6 Habits Your Kids Need to Build Right Now

Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com

Growing up in today’s culture requires building habits from a young age that, when practiced, will sustain and equip kids to face the pressures, traps, and lures of a society that has lost its fear and concept of God—a society, in fact, that promotes a worldview in which any idea, no matter how illogical or deranged, is expected to be supported, celebrated, and promoted at any cost.


Parents have the God-given responsibility to raise kids who know what they believe and why they believe it (apologetics). We are called to mold and shape our children by instilling in them a Biblical worldview that makes sense of the world around us. We are also called to model and teach how to practically live a God-fearing, joy-filled, humble life that exalts Christ and is in step with Biblical purity and principles. Here are six habits your kids need to build right now:

Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Sexy Baby (Film Review)

Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com

“We’re like the first generation to have what we have, so there’s no one before us that can…guide us.” – Winnifred, 13 years old

Sexy Baby, a documentary about modern culture’s ability to shape and impact a societal worldview, is a fascinating film. The subject matter follows three women with no relation to each other by finely presenting how living in a sex-saturated culture and the Internet age plays a role in molding the views of various age groups in regards to sexuality, attractiveness, self-image, and monogamous relationships (or lack there of).

New York City middle schooler Winnifred, 13, right, poses in her bedroom for her friend Olivia. The two later post the images to Facebook.

Seen from the eyes of Winnifred, a 13 year old girl growing up in New York City, Laura, a 22 year old girl from North Carolina, and Nichole, a former porn star who is now married and hoping to have children, the film candidly expresses the infiltration of hyper-sexualization in entertainment. The women involved speak of the pressure to post suggestive photos on Facebook in hopes to obtain attention, and porn’s accessibility and influence on those who purposefully or unintentionally stumble upon it. It was interesting to learn the perspectives of three individuals of different backgrounds who have been impacted by the cunning ways of media to form the way we view and relate to others, see relationships, and express our sexuality.

Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

The Roots of Your Child's Tech Problems

...


Quite often parents are looking for a quick fix for the challenge they are facing with their teen.  After years of talking to parents about technology and their kids, I would say that the answer lies much deeper than the latest computer software, monitoring app or tricks to control their behavior.  Technology is here to stay in our lives.  Unfortunately for parents, their kids are probably going to be much keener than they are to figure out how to work devices and get around any unwanted barriers.  This is a natural by-product of them never having known the world to exist without rapidly advancing technology.  So what is the answer to healthy technology use and keeping your kids safe online?

Read the rest of this post here

Lessons for Young Men

Our world desperately needs men. Real men. Manly men. Godly men. Holy men. Courageous men. Men who fear no one because they fear their God more. Our culture despises true, biblical manhood. What our young people today who grow up in American society will not learn on their own, from their friends, from Hollywood, or simply by observing the way of culture is how to be a real, godly, courageous, man of God.


So in this brief essay, I will give 5 simple lessons for young, maturing men.

Read the rest of this post here

Crime Expert Reveals 7 Tech Tips Every Parent Should Know

LaVarr McBride is a professor of Criminology at Penn State and recently spoke at the Northwest Coalition for Healthy Intimacy’s annual conference in Portland, Oregon.  I was there and took copious notes to share with you!  (You also may order the DVD of the entire conference here.  Highly recommended!)


Here are seven tips he shared to help your kids stay safe online.


Social Media & Tech Tips for Parents

Read the rest of this post here

Avoiding Pollution of the Mind

By Stephen and Alex Kendrick with Randy Alcorn

(Be) fully aware of what is going on with your children, while guiding and guarding the things that influence their hearts and minds.  Here are six key influences to constantly keep your eye on.  Any of these can steal your children's hearts away from you, pollute their minds, and lead them away from God.


1.  Their friends.  God's Word says, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm" (Proverbs 13: 20).  Pray for and surround your children with wise friends.  Be willing to say 'No' to any parties, sleepovers, and 'fun' events that would put your children under the influence of foolish kids.  Instead, initiate and lead fun events at your home and on your turf rather than sending your kids off into unknown situations.


2.  Their education.  The worldviews of your child's teachers in school will likely become the worldview of your child.  If you want to raise godly children, you must guard carefully who is teaching them and what is being taught---both at school and at church.  Homeschooling and Christian schools are worth the sacrifice and should be prayerfully considered.


3.  Their music.  Develop in your children a love for the music of God and a disgust for the music of the world.  Teach them to discern if the messages embedded in music are helpful, loving, truthful, and edifying, or if they are angry, sexual, rebellious, self-centered, or corruptive.  Fill their music libraries with godly music performed by godly artists.  And lead the way by your example!


4. Movies/TV.  Today's movies and television shows are now considered two of the top influences in culture.  They have become increasingly more influential in how the next generation thinks and interprets reality.  Do not let your children watch whatever they want.  Build a library of good content, and take time to watch more edifying programs with your kids.  Then discuss afterward what was right and wrong in what you've just seen.


5.  Internet.  With Internet pornography, pedophiles in chat rooms, and an ocean of sites that are stumbling blocks for kids and adults, courageous dads need to become watchmen over what their sons and daughters see online.  Train your kids to run from evil, but help them by loading filters onto your computers.  At the same time, keep Internet access out of your kids' rooms and out in the open.


6.  Video games.  Video games are often very violent, perverted, and addictive.  They are designed to draw your children into a fantasy world and keep them there for endless hours when they could be doing something productive and edifying.  Guard what games they play, how long they play them, and be ready at any point to initiate 'game fasts' for specific periods of time---even packing up the system altogether if it becomes a stumbling block to your kids.


You can expect each one of these to be a potential battleground.  So don't be surprised if your kids momentarily become angry and don't understand why you won't let them be around certain people or be entertained by certain things.  Your love is why!  But remember that saying 'No' creates a void you must fill with something better.  Lead them toward good friends, good books, good music, movies, and activities.  Teach them to ask, 'Is this honoring to God?'  'Is this true, holy, and healthy?'  'Will this help me do the right things?'  'Will this make me love God more or less?'  'Will this fuel my passion for Christ, or will it pour cold water on it?' ...

ATTENTION: Men of God

ATTENTION:  Men of God (husbands, fathers)

"The most urgent domestic challenge facing the United States at the close of the twentieth century is the recreation of fatherhood as a vital social role for men."  David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America


"Experience has shown us that men who are the happiest and most content in their masculine role today are those whose fathers invested a great deal of time and energy in their lives."  David Stoop and Stephen Arterburn


"The principal danger to fatherhood today is that fathers do not have the vital sense of father power that they have had in the past.  Because of a host of pressures from society, the father has lost the confidence that he is naturally important to his children--that he has the power to affect children, guide them, help them grow.  He isn't confident that fatherhood is a basic part of being masculine and the legitimate focus of his life."  Dr. Henry Biller


"Our very survival as a people will depend on the presence or absence of masculine leadership in millions of homes."  James Dobson


"My greatest leadership role is not on the football field, it is in the home.  I am concerned about the breakdown of the family in our time and I am convinced that the answer is for men to provide better leadership in the home."  Tom Landry


"Go home and catch your children doing something right."  Adapted from The One Minute Manager


"A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."  Don Vito Corleone


"You know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home.  I have a motto: Like your work, love your wife."  Del Griffith


"A man realizes that he is in a unique position to give honor like no one else, and that no one can truly replace that responsibility for him.  He avoids sarcasm, put-downs, belittling words, and ways that diminish the honor of a person."  Stu Weber, Four Pillars of a Man's Heart


"The great river of fathering that leaped from the primordial mist of Eden rolls through time and into eternity.  How will you bend the course of the tributary that flows in your family?  You will affect it, you know.  Whether you work at it with all your heart and soul or close your eyes and ears and put your hands in your pockets and pretend it doesn't exist, you will channel that river in one direction or another.  That's the nature of fathering.  You can't hide from its potency and power.  Whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not, whether you believe it or not, your influence will span generations long after you've left this earth."  Stu Weber


"I know of no man or woman, regardless of age, who doesn't still yearn for his or her father's approval and love.  I've met seventy-five- and eighty-year-old men and women whose only regret in life is that they never heard their father say, 'I love you,' or 'I'm proud of you.' "  Rick Johnson


"No man should plant his seed in a woman, impregnating her, if he is not willing to accept lifelong responsibility for the child he created.  With the power to create comes accountability.  God holds you responsible and accountable for the welfare of your family.  Maturity in a man begins not with age but with the acceptance of that responsibility."  Rick Johnson


"There are two ways to recognize power.  One is to see it at work.  The other way is to measure what happens when it is gone.  Either way, Dad is pretty potent.  Present or absent.  Positive or negative.  The power of a father is incredible. ... There isn't much of anything in life children can't face with Dad's strong hand wrapped tightly around theirs."  Stu Weber


"Men, you are the leaders of your families.  You might be reluctant to assume that role.  You might even deny that it falls to you.  Nonetheless, you are your family's de facto leader, whether you choose to believe it or not.
Leaders are always the highest-priority targets in any war.  The enemy knows that if he can kill the commander, the troops will be easier to defeat.  Cut off the head and the body dies.  The body in this case is your family---you are the head.  One way to fight back and be the leaders God created us to be is to be aware of our roles, our resposibilities, and our influence with those we lead."  Rick Johnson


"No dying man ever wishes he'd spent more time at the office.  If we're fortunate, we discover long before we're on our deathbeds the importance of our family and of passing on a legacy for the coming generations.  Our culture tends to think of legacy in terms of monetary worth.  But a true legacy is based on whether we stood for something, whether we made a difference in someone's life, and whether our lives will be remembered because of the quality of life we lived."  Rick Johnson


"A man who stands up to the winds of adversity is a man whose son admires and looks up to him."  Rick Johnson


"A man is created for challenges.  He is equipped to overcome, to run the gauntlet, to stand firm as a well-anchored corner post.  Men are the benchmark in life, society, and family.  It is part of the masculine responsibility to demonstrate strength and stability, to protect and provide for those within their sphere of influence.  This is the hallmark of manhood."  Preston Gillham, Things Only Men Know


"It is much easier to become a father than to be one."  Kent Nerburn, Letters to My Son


"Fathers and sons arrive at that relationship only by claiming that relationship: that is by paying for it.  If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons."  James Baldwin


"Men as husbands and fathers are irreplaceable.  If we abandon those roles, destruction and heartbreak follow."  Cliff Graham

Taken from The Father Effect on Twitter

"Your kids need to know you love them because of who they are not who you want them to be."


"In a world that is very critical, your kids need you to be encouraging."


"Nothing positive comes out of an environment that is nothing but negative."


"The biggest opponent in your child’s life could be you.  Be positive, encourage, & love."


"You make choices everyday.  Choose to be an engaged & involved dad today."


"Live fully in the everyday moments with your kids."


"The power of your influence as a dad is greater than you may ever know."


"The only work that truly matters is not at your job.  It's at home with your wife & kids."

Mentors & Vital Relationships

By Bill Farrel

Some people in your life are vital to your success and well-being.  These relationships need extra attention and deliberate effort.  You need to spend time with these people, plan activities with them, and look for ways to connect with them in order for these relationships to flourish.  Here are some areas of your personal team you may want to work on:



Family

• How much time do I want to spend talking with each family member?
• What do I want to do together with my family this year?
• Do I ask questions about what/how they are doing?
• Do I show respect for each family member?
• Do I know how to motivate each member of my family?

Friends

• Do I look out for their best interests?
• Do I encourage and support them?
• Am I choosing friends who look out for my best interests?
• Do I have a plan for staying connected with them?
• Do I give and take in activities we do together?

A mentor is "a wise and trusted counselor or teacher."  The best mentor is:

• Someone who is good at what you want to be good at
• Someone who is older than you
• Someone you are comfortable with
• Someone who has experienced more of life than you
• Someone living a healthy and productive life
• Someone you would consider a role model
• Someone you trust to steer you in the right direction if you are getting off track
• Someone you are willing to be accountable to
• Someone you can be honest with whether you're messing up or doing well
• Someone you can confide in

Raising Kids With an Eye on the Future

 

"Boundaries: Raising Kids With an Eye on the Future"

by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Proverbs 22: 6 - "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."


It was a normal day, but one that would forever change my friend’s parenting. We had finished dinner, and I (Dr. Cloud) was visiting with my friend, Allison, and her husband, Bruce, when she left the dinner table to do some chores. Bruce and I continued to talk until a phone call took him away as well, so I went to see if I could lend Allison a hand.


I could hear her in their 14-year-old son Cameron’s room. I walked in to a scene that jolted me. She was cheerfully putting away clothes and sports equipment and making the bed. She struck up a conversation as if things were normal: “I can’t wait for you to see the pictures from our trip. It was so much—” “What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m cleaning up Cameron’s room,” she said. “What does it look like I’m doing?” “You are what?” “I told you. I’m cleaning up his room. Why are you looking at me like that?” All I could do was to share with her the vision in my head. “I just feel sorry for Cameron’s future wife.”


Allison straightened up, froze for a moment, and then hurried from the room. I walked into the hall to see her standing there motionless. Not knowing what to say, I said nothing. After a few moments, she looked at me and said, “I’ve never thought about it that way.”


Nor have most of us. We parent in the present without thinking about the future. We usually deal with the problems at hand. But one goal of parenting is to keep an eye on the future. We are raising our children to be responsible adults. Parents interact with their children in a way that comes naturally to them.


For example, Allison was by nature a “helper,” and she gladly helped her son. Others have different parenting styles. Some, who are more laid back and uninvolved, leave their son’s room alone. Those who are stricter inflict heavy punishment for a less than regulation-made bed.


Certainly, child rearing requires many different interventions. There are times for helping, for not getting involved, or for being strict. But the real issue is this: Is what you are doing being done on purpose? Or are you doing it from reasons that you do not think about, such as your own personality, childhood, need of the moment, or fears? Remember, parenting has to do with more than the present. You are preparing your child for the future, and a person’s character is one’s destiny.

Parents: How Involved Are You in Your Children's Lives?

 

 

 

Parents...

 

 

How involved are you in the lives of your children?  Do you regularly communicate with them and ask about their struggles, temptations, worries, concerns, friendships, longings, and what is on their hearts?  Do you monitor their entertainment choices and know each of their friends or the people they are dating?  Do you daily invest in your relationships with your kids by offering a listening ear, needed discipline and correction, guidance, wisdom, love, and teaching them about God, His word, and making sure to shape their worldview Biblically?

 

 

It is rough being a young person in today's world and I am truly convinced that kids need their parent's intervention, teaching, and support.

 

 

Like a quote I read a while ago brilliantly states it, "If you don't teach your kids to follow Christ, the world will teach them not to."

 

 

Parents have a great responsibility to mold and shape a child's character and enable them to grow up to be productive, God-honoring, Christ-centered, Bible-esteeming, respectful, respectable, dependable, trustworthy, integrity-filled citizens of society.

 

 

Please fight for your family and don't allow work or hobbies or the pursuit of wealth and trivial pursuits to steal away precious quality time with your children.

 

 

I am positive many would agree that if more parents were involved in their children's lives and sought to have an on-going relationship and genuine, heartfelt conversations with them on a regular basis, building and maintaining the relationship, teaching them and preparing them to face a dark, wretched, selfish, hostile-toward-God culture & society...the world at large would be a better place.


Timothy Keller said, "The only way to get quality time is to have tons and tons of quantity time and wait for the quality time to sort of pick up.  And that's the way it is with God.  You have got to spend time seeking Him, you've got to spend time reading His word, you've got to spend time in corporate worship.  You have to.  And if you give Him enough time, if you're seeking Him, if you're reflecting on Him, if you're worshipping Him, if you're praying to Him, of course you're not going to get these incredible times of weeping and glorious worship...but that's the only way you'll ever get them."

 

 

Please seek to raise a "Jonathan Edwards" instead of a typical Hollywood celebrity.  As we think about the brevity of life and the reality of death, may we say with joy...

 

 

 

"Only One Life"

by C. T. Studd

 

Two little lines I heard one day,

Traveling along life's busy way;

Bringing conviction to my heart,

And from my mind would not depart;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past, 

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Only one life, yes only one,

Soon will its fleeting hours be done;

Then, in 'that day' my Lord to meet,

And stand before His Judgement seat;

Only one life,'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Only one life, the still small voice,

Gently pleads for a better choice

Bidding me selfish aims to leave,

And to God's holy will to cleave;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Only one life, a few brief years,

Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;

Each with its clays I must fulfill,

living for self or in His will;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

When this bright world would tempt me sore,

When Satan would a victory score;

When self would seek to have its way,

Then help me Lord with joy to say;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Give me Father, a purpose deep,

In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;

Faithful and true what e'er the strife,

Pleasing Thee in my daily life;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Oh let my love with fervor burn,

And from the world now let me turn;

Living for Thee, and Thee alone,

Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;

Only one life, 'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.

 

Only one life, yes only one,

Now let me say,"Thy will be done”;

And when at last I'll hear the call,

I know I'll say “twas worth it all”;

Only one life,'twill soon be past,

Only what's done for Christ will last.