Showing posts with label About Pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Pornography. Show all posts

Thursday, May 23, 2019

The Worst Counsel for Breaking a Porn Addiction




Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com


“Is the love of pleasure and amusement growing on you—gaining the power and authority over you? Is it dulling the keenness of your zest for spiritual pleasures? Is it making Bible study, prayer, communion with Christ, and meditation upon holy themes—less sweet enjoyments than they once were? Is it making your hunger for righteousness, and for God—less intense? If so, there is only one thing to do—hurry…to return to God…to find in Christ, the joy which the world cannot give.” –J. R. Miller


The Worst Advice for Breaking Addiction: “Just Stop!”


An addiction of any kind is more complex than simple. It is all-encompassing as opposed to one-dimensional. It is fueled through many sources and overcome through several steps. Many people battle addiction for years with minimal success because they suppose the outward action is the problem and do not understand the strong roots stemming way back in the mind and heart.


For the addict, the command to “Just Stop!” is the worst advice. It is vague, ineffectual, and hopeless. It makes light of the problem and unrealistically sends the message that freedom from what binds him or her will be effortless, painless, and quick. Here are three reasons this is terrible advice.



Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here


Sunday, May 6, 2018

Got Porn on the Brain? Here Are 3 Ways a New Hobby Can Improve Your Quality of Life



Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com


“We should treat our brains and souls with the same respect, at least, that we give a kitchen sponge. You wouldn’t put your sponge in the toilet and then use it to clean your dinner plate. So why would we let our brains absorb hours of filth every day; filth and violence and sex and everything, and then think that we can turn around and use those same minds to be decent, virtuous people in real life? It’s very hard to do.” –Matt Walsh




Our hobbies, habits, and interests make up, in part, the pie chart of our existence and are interwoven with where our focus lies. Our focus stems from our issues and experiences beginning in childhood. There is a direct correlation between our thoughts and our actions, between whom we associate with and the entertainment we watch, read, and listen to.


A more wholesome existence is attainable simply by shifting our focus from one thing to another. Hobbies serve us well in this regard, as they cement our focus on something outside ourselves and help free us from being bound to the patterns of thought and action we’ve become so accustomed to over the years.


Life has taught us that every day is filled with the ordinary, the unexpected, the difficult, the mundane, and numerous responsibilities and roles unique to each person. Every decision we make either fuels or starves jealousy, rage, joy, freedom, peace, or euphoria.


Many who have given up porn as a primary hobby experience a new, better quality of life afterwards. Here are three ways a new hobby can help you change your focus away from porn and improve your quality of life:


Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Friday, March 30, 2018

Forty Practical Tips to Help You Quit Porn



Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com


“The power of porn may not just be its explicit content. It may also be its capacity to take the viewer into another world. Porn is a place where bodies and people are perfect, where imaginary lovers comply with every wish, and where the scene created perfectly matches the deepest desires of the viewer. It’s a perfect and perfectly destructive world, and it’s the stuff both horror and heartbreak are made of.” –Joe Dallas


Similar to a kaleidoscope, pornography can fascinate or intrigue us. Unlike a kaleidoscope, however, the endless variety of “patterns” we see in porn can engulf us to the point we are bound. If this is how you feel, please consider the following 40 tips to quit porn and gain freedom:




Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Friday, February 9, 2018

Five Motivations to Resist the Click




Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com




“When you guard your purity, you’re protecting a treasure, so apply yourself to its longevity the way you’d protect anything valuable. Recognize its worth. Work hard to keep it, and reject anything which threatens it.” –Joe Dallas



To successfully resist the click, it is necessary to have more in place than mere willpower. We must be steadfast with putting in the laborious work of figuring out why we’re using porn to begin with and then have a feasible plan to derail the train of lust before it starts down the tracks.







A warrior is strategic in his approach to conquering what is out to destroy him. A sailor calculates the threat of the sea before embarking on troubled waters. A speaker prepares for difficult questions in advance. Becoming debt-free demands we stay on a strict budget and designate the extra money accordingly. Keeping the home in order is maintained through structure and routine. Gaining self-control requires no less of a plan.




Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Sunday, October 1, 2017

How to Steer Clear of Pornography When Intimacy Is Lacking



Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com




"The ultimate pleasure you and I seek is intimacy, and the ultimate intimacy is with God." –Ravi Zacharias




A great need of the human heart is connection. We long to belong, to rest in the fact that we are wanted and appreciated, to bear our hearts to another and still be readily acknowledged.




We may dance in circles, looking for the next thrilling experience in hopes of feeling alive, while settling for what eludes us. We move forward with little direction, often clueless as to what to look for and what to avoid, and in the process, bypass the only true source of acceptance and love (a relationship with the Lord).







We look to sexual gratification (regardless of how illegitimate or dangerous the source), disregard sound judgment and reason, allow our conscience to become seared, turn a deaf ear and blind eye to what is healthy and wholesome, and ignore both the warnings and promises found in God’s word because we wish to pacify our longings in ways we are unfortunately sure to discover will not last or deliver as promised.




Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

5 Internet Dangers Your Children Won’t Mention



Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com








If your kids are awake, they’re probably on a smartphone, in front of a smart TV, downloading apps, or posting to social networks. And most likely you have no idea what they’re doing. –IParent.tv


While the Internet brings many positive opportunities to learn, laugh, and connect with our family and friends, it also gives easier access to many dangerous temptations, resources, and people. You may not be aware of all the dangers available if it’s used without any accountability or guidelines and how it can ruin your child’s reputation and self-esteem, scarring them in ways that may take years to undo.


Danger 1–I can access pornography.

Pornography can be found for free on any social media platform or Internet browser. Chat rooms include links to some of the most deranged content. Naked photos of non-consenting adolescents can be shared like wildfire among youth (also known as revenge porn) and easily fall into the hands of predators who upload the content to various websites so the pictures or videos cannot be contained from further exposure.


Porn stars usually have their own website or Facebook and Twitter accounts in which they post clips of their latest scenes, nude pictures, and promote other porn stars while including the links to the videos they have made together. Erotica can be found and read for free, while appalling sex scenes, dialogue, and practices can be seen in movies and television shows easily.



Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here


Thursday, March 17, 2016

Why Men Lack Courage to Quit Porn




Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com



“Our world desperately needs men. Real men. Manly men. Godly men. Holy men. Courageous men. Men who fear no one because they fear their God more. Our culture despises true, biblical manhood. What our young people today who grow up in American society will not learn on their own, from their friends, from Hollywood, or simply by observing the way of culture is how to be a real, godly, courageous, man of God.” – Geoffrey R. Kirkland




Because of the warped mentality that so many men are beginning to have about sex (being more ingrained with each new glance or excuse for improper behavior), it can be terribly trying for them to give up what they feel simultaneously liberates yet silently destroys them. You might feel that viewing porn makes you more of a man, proves your high sex drive, teaches you the skills for being with a real-life partner, or keeps you from acting out sexually through the use of prostitutes or attending strip clubs. But have you stopped to consider what might be fueling those beliefs, the sin behind the sin if you will?


Pornography’s twisted nature has the potential of breaching into many aspects of life and equally destroying you on a number of levels.



Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Taking Steps Toward Genuine Repentance





Taken from


By Joe Dallas


... When you repent, you reject a behavior by separating yourself from it. That's the acid test of true repentance.


If you've been using Internet pornography, for example, you'll separate yourself from it by any means necessary. You'll either get a filter or a new service provider, or you'll give your password to someone who can log you in and monitor your on-line activities. Or, if all else fails, you'll get rid of the Internet altogether. ...


If you've been involved in an adulterous relationship, you'll separate yourself from the other person by severing communication. Or if you've been into commercial sex--prostitutes, strip bars, massage parlors--you'll avoid the areas where those services are available. If you've been having sex with your girlfriend, you and she will commit to never being alone together in a place where sex would be possible. In all cases, the overriding principle is this: find practical ways to separate yourself from the acting out and from whatever draws you back into it.

STAY PREPARED


But repentance isn't just about separation. It's about preparation as well--preparation against the temptation to return to the behavior you've rejected.


That sounds cynical, doesn't it? After all, if you've had a crisis of truth over your sin, then surely (you would think) that sin would be the last thing you'd ever think of returning to!


And sure--for a time the thought of it may be repulsive. But you and I have a problem we may as well face: any experience we've found pleasurable or meaningful has been recorded--deeply and graphically--in our brains, where it's filed away for future reference. So what the heart rejects, the brain still stores up in its memory banks.


The sin you've rejected today may appeal to you tomorrow because, unfortunately, it's always available. So let me encourage you to assume that, no matter how sincere your repentance is, at some point you'll be tempted to return to the behavior you've rejected.


Even the apostle Paul kept himself prepared and admitted, "I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified" (1 Corinthians 9:27).


Paul was inarguably a new creation: an apostle, teacher, and evangelist. But he didn't see himself as being above the pull of temptation. He stayed prepared, and like a boxer who knows he might be challenged at any time, he stayed in fighting trim. So if Paul recognized the power of temptation and stayed prepared for it, then you and I don't dare do any less.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Why I Love Porn





By Jonathan Pokluda


I’ve read lots of articles on why people hate porn. But if everybody hated porn, all the articles wouldn’t be warranted. The problem is that most of the people saying they hate porn, also love it. That’s me. At one point in my life I loved porn more than I loved anything. That’s crazy to write because I know how absolutely true it is. I loved porn more than my future wife, more than my friends, more than my family, more than anything I owned, and more than God. The truth is, there’s still a piece of me that loves porn, and I know it’s there.


Every now and then an old image pops into my head from a mental filing cabinet that I thought was destroyed in the fire of my salvation. The image is foggy like a distant memory, but explicit enough to bring me to a place where I wish there was more of her. This happens at the most inopportune times, and is frequent enough to be familiar. Guided by the Spirit, I have practices that I’ve put in place to help me move on to more productive behaviors and escape the...adulterous failure of giving into the desire of entertaining that mysterious, alluring woman whom I’ve never met but know as intimately as I know anyone.


Why I Love Porn


Porn is an escape. It is a door that leads out of life’s routine. Porn is a way out of hard work, screaming kids, tedious chores, difficult conversations, and the diligent pursuit that is necessary to make a marriage work. I heard someone say "life is hard and then you die." Porn, on the other hand, is an easy way out. When we need a way out from life’s difficulties, porn says "this is the way."


Porn is accessible. It’s easy to find, and sometimes it even finds us at our most vulnerable moments. Porn doesn’t require you to do the dishes, take out the trash, take the kids to school, or even cuddle. Porn says, "I’m here for you to do with me as you please. Use me for your enjoyment and I won’t ask anything of you." Porn is not an experience; it is a catalogue of experiences that otherwise would not be available to the normal person. It always offers something crazier, more dangerous, more scandalous, and more disgusting for you to enjoy.


Porn feels good. Sex feels good. Explicit, out-of-bounds, naughty sex feels better. Why? Because when you know you are doing something that you shouldn’t, adrenaline bleeds into your body. Your heart races, your pupils dilate, and your body responds with heightened senses. Your five senses open up wide, allowing you to experience more. So the pleasure that sex offers is heightened, too. It is all of the pleasure of an extramarital affair, because that’s what it is.


Porn is anonymous. It is sex with a stranger, and feels as though there are no strings attached and no victims. No fear of pregnancy or STDs. It seems that porn allows one to escape the consequences of an extramarital affair. You don’t have to care for someone’s heart or feelings. You can strip away their flesh from their personhood for your enjoyment at seemingly no cost and no one has to know—not even the object of your orgasm.


The Problem With Porn


Porn is an escape, but everything is still waiting on you. And now the difficulties of life are paired with the guilt and shame from acting out with porn. You didn’t escape anything. You complicated life’s problems. You made them more difficult for yourself. Had you prayed, asked the Holy Spirit for help, doubled down on commitment, leaned on community, and worked through the challenges that faced you, they would have been easier without porn. Porn isn’t a way out; it’s like a revolving door that keeps putting you back in the room with your problems. Only, now they are bigger.


Porn is accessible, but it is expensive. It costs you your humanity, your dignity, your confidence, your joy, your intimacy with Jesus, and oneness with your spouse (present or future, whether you know them yet or not). Every single time you look at porn, you pay this price. Porn has never made anyone kinder, more confident, more joyful, closer to Jesus, or more one with their spouse. You’ve taken a very intentional step away from all of those things and sooner or later they will be gone altogether. That’s really, really expensive. Porn is never worth what it costs. It is a slippery slope of addiction leading to a dark place.


Porn feels good, but so does heroin. If a momentary feeling of pleasure is ultimate to you, porn makes sense. So do heroin, bank robberies, and illegal sex. However, a life of oneness, free from shame, is much better than five minutes of erotic pleasure. Porn is not as good as what God has for you. It makes you its slave, trading a life of intimacy for a few minutes of pleasure. After you have gone over the fence to take pleasure, it is very difficult to enjoy it by entering through the gate. Porn offers you pleasure outside of marriage, but then that pleasure inside your marriage becomes less available, every time. Porn takes away more pleasure than it offers. The porn addict cannot experience oneness with their spouse.


Porn is anonymous, until it’s not. Porn is sex with a stranger AND sex with the single most familiar person to you at the same time. Porn is sex with yourself. It is an enslaving addiction and the only way to start to get free from it is to stand up, raise your hand and say "I’m addicted to pornography." That is the first step. The irony is that the anonymous sex you explored won’t let you go until others know about it. There’s nothing anonymous about that, unless you plan to die in anonymity and addiction. Satan would love that.


The truth is I love porn, but I know how much porn hates me. Porn hates my children and wants to see our relationship die. Porn hates my marriage and desires to see it end. Porn hates my ministry and wants to make it ineffective or worse, use it to further the work of Satan. I love porn, but it hates me. Porn is a terrible lover who has taken infinitely more from me than she could give. I love porn, but I know it’s not worth the cost. Today I am free and I loathe it much, much more than I love it.

Monday, January 4, 2016

When You Deliberately Continue in Sexual Sin






Taken from


By Joe Dallas


Look at the following list of things a man [or woman] does when he [or she] deliberately continues in sexual sin...


I've deliberately put my pleasure before God.
I've ignored the grief I've been inflicting on Him.
I've polluted my own body and mind.
I've wasted precious time and energy on a selfish indulgence.
I've crippled my ability to be salt and light in a world that needs both.
I've let people down even if they're unaware of it.
I've participated in the sort of evil I say I'm against.
I've lied, pretended, and kept up a false front.
I've broken promises and commitments.
I've not had the courage to come clean and deal with this.
I'm not the man [or woman] others think I am.
I'm not the man [or woman] I could be.


Godly sorrow over sin is the gateway to true repentance; true repentance is the gateway to true change. You won't experience godly sorrow, though, until you've let the impact of your behavior sink in. ...


Father, open my eyes to both the seriousness of my behavior and to Your stubborn love for me, which refuses to let me settle for anything less than Your best. Help me to both grieve my sin and to keep from being swallowed up in grief. Give me the sensitivity to weep over my wrongdoing; give me the faith to believe You point out my problem so it can be solved. Protect me from self-condemnation, but do not shield me from self-awareness. I ask this in Jesus's name. Amen.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Sanctification is a Process





Originally posted elsewhere


The need for purity calls for a response on our part.


There were many times I was serious about stopping my bondage to various forms of sexual sin, then felt saddened, disillusioned, and upset when I gave in once again. I have since noticed the pursuit of purity is indeed a process and not an overnight transformation that occurs simply because of my willingness to be free.


There are various ways we allow compromise in our day to day lives which leads to our downfall once again. It could be subtle compromise or blatant choosing, but there is always a starting point. One Pastor has said, "People don't 'fall' into sin; they 'slide' into it." Sin may all began with thoughts of fantasy, consuming less-than-wholesome entertainment like music videos or movies that stir up lust in our hearts, or reading articles pertaining to sex and/or romance novels.


We all know our weaknesses and what causes us the desire to run back to porn or to engage in self-gratification. Jessica Harris has said, "I think, ...that your primary battle is actually not masturbation. It sounds like it is fantasy. Put a kettle on the stove and it has to let off steam. It sounds as if you have a thought life that is kicking up your sex drive. The masturbation, then, is just becoming a natural release of that tension. So, I would encourage you to really take a step back and attack those errant thoughts- those fantasies about sex (with guys or girls). I think you might find that once you get that under control, the desire to masturbate will die down a bit. It might not go away completely, but it's a lot easier to fight off that battle when your head is 'in the game' so to speak."


The following steps will be helpful in pursuing purity and growing in the process of sanctification:



  • Fully stop your intake of music videos, romance novels, articles about the "how-to's" of sex, movies or television shows that contain sexual references, perverse humor or partial nudity, and visiting web sites that "glorify" your particular fascination (BDSM, homosexuality, specific forms of porn, etc.)
  • Surrender your sex life and purity to God, praying earnestly and often that He would do whatever it takes to sanctify, purge, and refine you
  • Read God's word daily and memorize large portions of it (See Romans 12: 2, Psalm 119: 11)
  • Get an accountability report and filtering service such as Covenant Eyes on all your devices
  • If the route to work or school means you will drive passed a strip club or adult store, find a different route (even if that means taking the long way or changing freeways and driving in traffic part of the way)
  • Fill your mind with God honoring music instead of secular music (It is amazing how easily we memorize song lyrics and yet claim we have difficulty memorizing Bible Scriptures! If we fill our minds with songs that contain perversity and violence, it will play a significant role with shaping our thinking)
  • Don't spend time with people who are a bad influence and will lead you astray (See First Corinthians 15: 33)
  • Read books about purity and overcoming sexual sin (suggestions at the end of this article)
  • Follow ministries who address sexual sin and purity (suggestions at the end of this article)
  • Fall asleep listening to an audio Bible and as you go about your day, listen to sermons while in the car or Christian radio programs (Remember the quote, "Garbage in, garbage out")
  • Seek godly counsel at a Bible-believing church over your strongholds
  • Be open and honest about your struggles with trusted friends and mentors
  • Attend classes at your church regarding purity or sexual sin
  • ...and keep what John MacArthur wisely said at the forefront of your mind at all times, "Starve your sin and it will die."


Apply these steps, think of a plan, and keep God first. "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Anonymous


May we be diligent in applying what John Owen stated, "Rise mightily against the first sight of sin. Do not allow it to gain the smallest ground. Do not say, 'Thus far I shall go, and no farther.' If you allow it one step, it will take another. It is impossible to fix boundaries for sin! It is like water in a channel. If it ever breaks out, it will flow on through the breach. It is easier to stop it in the beginning than after it has begun to run."


Book suggestions:


  • Pornography: Slaying the Dragon by David Powlison
  • 5 Steps to Breaking Free from Porn by Joe Dallas
  • Porn-Again Christian: a frank discussion on pornography & masturbation by Mark Driscoll
  • The Game Plan: The Men's 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity by Joe Dallas
  • 'Just One More': When Desires Don't Take No for an Answer by Edward T. Welch
  • Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World by Joshua Harris
  • The Mortification of Sin by John Owen
  • Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
  • Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn
  • Every Young Man's Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey
  • Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn
  • Love Done Right: Devos by Jessica Harris
  • Dirty Girls Come Clean by Crystal Renaud


Ministry suggestions:




40-Day E-Course on Purity:




Regarding homosexuality:

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Is Sexual Sin a Want or Need?





Taken from


By Joe Dallas


Gratification is immediate and short-lived. Satisfaction, even when it requires gratification delay, is a long-term payoff.


Compare this to the difference between hunger and appetite, and I think you'll see what I mean. When your body requires food, it creates hunger pangs to satisfy that need. The hunger message is honest; it tells you what your body really needs, and when you respond by eating, you satisfy its requirements.


But along with your natural hunger, you may have also developed a large appetite, which is a desire for certain types and portions of food. If you overeat, that's usually why---your appetite claimed you needed more food (and probably food of a different sort) than your body required.


Appetite is dishonest in two ways. First, it disguises itself as hunger by saying, "I need," when a more honest statement would be, "I want." If you don't indulge your appetite, you'll find you can do with much less food than it demands.


Second, appetite often demands the sort of food you really don't need. Haven't you noticed that when your appetite is up, it usually doesn't call for broccoli? Mine sure doesn't. It wants cake, milkshakes, and barrels of red meat. In other words, it craves gratification---the quick intensity of rich foods in large quantities---rather than the foods my body needs to truly satisfy it.


Let's take this idea further. When you go for gratification rather than satisfaction, you pig out. Since no one loves pigging out more than I do, I understand the joy of stuffing, chugging, and munching on foods rich in grease, fats, and starches. It's so gratifying---so immediate and intense. And for the moment, I'm a happy man.


But the happiness soon gives way to any number of discomforts: digestive problems, sluggishness, shame over my gluttony, and a general sense of being a loser who can't control himself. Only then do I realize (for the thousandth time!) I've sacrificed hours of satisfaction for a few minutes of indulgence.


When I diet successfully, though, I delay gratification and learn to eat what my body really needs. For the moment, yes, I'm a bit uncomfortable when I choose the salad over the burger. But when I delay gratification, the discomfort soon gives way to enhanced physical performance, higher energy, heightened self-respect, and the peace of being a man who takes care of himself properly. And I realize, gratefully, that this time I did it right. I earned hours of true satisfaction by sacrificing minutes of gratification.


When you sexually sin, you're gratifying an appetite that is inherently dishonest. It convinces you that what you want---the porn, the adultery, the hooker, the ritual---is, in fact, a need. And who can deny there's immediate impact when you say yes to that want? Intense sex can be amazing, all-encompassing, and utterly gratifying.


It soon shows itself, though, to be the sensual counterpart to pigging out, as pleasure gives way to discomfort---shame, disgust, guilt, fear of consequence, decreased self-respect, spiritual sluggishness, lost money, wasted time, broken promises, and perhaps even the general sense of being a loser who can't control himself. Only then might you realize you've sacrificed hours of emotional, mental, and spiritual satisfaction for a few minutes of indulgence.


There's a good reason for that. Let's look at the eating example again. Your body can only be satisfied, in the truest sense, when you fuel it properly. Even if you crave certain unhealthy foods, if they're not what your body is built for, then they'll eventually bring you more discomfort than pleasure.


Likewise, if you've truly been born again, then you've received a new nature that can only be satisfied, in the truest sense, when you fuel it properly. Paul illustrated this to the Romans when he asked, rhetorically, "How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" (Romans 6:2).


Notice he's not just saying sin is wrong. He's also pointing out its futility by showing the general futility of doing anything that violates your nature, even though it's pleasurable. Because if an activity is against your true nature, it can gratify but never satisfy.


For that reason, you'll go on reaping any number of uncomfortable feelings when you sexually sin. Count on anxiety, depression, shame, irritability, or despair, and count on them growing with time.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Porn Is a Gateway Drug and Slippery Slope




Pornography is a gateway drug and slippery slope that can lead you to do things you never thought you would do. When we choose with each new exposure to porn to fill our minds, awaken our desires, bring arousal to our bodies, masturbate to achieve orgasm, and fantasize to the point of becoming accustomed to the unrealistic filth porn portrays, we are playing with fire.


Porn uses unhealthy, broken people and sells the lie that it is mere fantasy to be an aid for those who are without a partner to experience sexual release with or for people who might be handicapped in some way and cannot just sleep around. And wasn't it clever to introduce the idea that couples can enjoy it together so their sex life will be lit aflame once again?


Pornography takes the sickest thoughts and fantasies of the human heart and portrays them as being consequence and harm free, to the point that people in porn are seen as actually enjoying being put down, offering their body instantly to someone they just met or know minimally (whether that be at a babysitting job or giving head to your best friend's dad just because you happened to forget something there). Some porn films portray incest as though the law is somehow obsolete in regards to two horny people who just happen to be related. Other films show parents with their kids or innocent looking girls at the park giving sexual favors for older men who promised to help them find their lost puppy. And the list goes on. Name a genre or fetish, there's porn for that. Homosexual or lesbian orgies, BDSM acts, gang rape scenes, First Time with Daddy, or even using vegetables or tools as sex toys is some of what can be seen in the array of pornography available online or shared on web sites or in chat rooms that have nothing to do with such a topic.


Sex is portrayed as cheap and worthless, your virginity or precious body to be thrown around, abused, and degraded all for the sake of earning money and feeding the crowds whose genitals & twisted minds control them.


It's despicable that pornography can be so easily accessed and that so many people become addicted after first time exposure (myself being one of them). Pornography preys upon your children, your marriage, seeks to devour your relationship with God, will lead to the loss of your self-respect and dignity in the eyes of others, bring you to financial ruin, and distort your desires and attractions to the degree that you can no longer look in the mirror without overwhelming shame and all-consuming self-hatred.


Pornography takes away the genuine pleasure of discovering and exploring the body of the one you love and are committed to by hiding nothing, being ruthlessly shameless in what is shown, and giving the illusion that nudity and human bodies can be exposed, beaten, or harmed in any capacity while the men or women experiencing or inflicting such bizarre acts are nothing but aroused while asking or crying for more.


We see in pornography exactly what happens when people are not treasured as being made in the image of God and having worth as His creation or potential child.


We see in pornography the letting loose of any restraint, the accessibility and portrayal of the most twisted fantasies, no concern for the persons involved, the promoted lie that sex can be had in any way, with any one, at any time without consequences, pregnancy or disease being the result, and the moans or screams of individuals with a soul, a history, a personality, interests, goals, and the need for friendship,  communication, shelter, and hope all to please the masses who will stop at nothing in their demands for their every sexual whim or longing to be fulfilled by some victim out there who is in the money hungry business of recording prostitutes on film with such a corrupted conscience that money takes precedence over the humanity of all those in the porn or sex industry.


Have you ever considered just how heartless porn producers or adult film script writers are with putting these ideas down on paper to be played out in a meticulous way with the intent of even going after children to hook them on this gateway drug for life?


It's no secret that viewing porn stirs up desires in our hearts that apart from exposure to everything out there, we wouldn't even think of in most cases. It's no secret that even viewing music videos or R-rated films can be arousing to the degree that we begin to desire that kind of life or want to try that experience, even if only once. The more we watch reality TV shows, entertainment on HBO or channels like MTV, and the more we listen to music with titillating lyrics, the greater our lusts will become and the lesser our desire to grow in righteousness will be a reality. There is something about watching sexual content that convinces our minds it is true or fine since it is right in front of us and our bodies respond with a rush of pleasure. No matter the initial shame we feel, I know from experience how easy it can be to justify our behavior with excuses or by blame-shifting or to harden our hearts and ignore the Bible's warnings for those who continue in an unrestrained, boundless lifestyle. And I can say with 100% honesty that I have cried many tears, spent countless nights with an ulcer due to my shame, how sin wrecked my life and relationships, and how if I could go back to my early childhood and have taken God seriously and lived fully for Him, applying His truth and obeying His word, I would do so in a heartbeat.


The next time porn calls your name, think long-term and remember that God sees. His word promises that we will reap what we sow (Galatians 6: 7) and that sin is a destroyer of all that is good and right in life. When you play with fire you are sure to get burned. When you treat sin as less than the evil it is and willfully ignore the power it has to wreck you, you will sadly discover that God's call to repentance was for your best interest and your selfish commitment to satisfy your cravings (either at any cost or through small compromise over time) will leave you numb, bitter, hurting, or destroyed. Sin has the ability to bring loss to us on every level. Don't make sin convenient. Instead:



  • Run to Christ and pray earnestly for Him to expose your sin and transform you from the inside out
  • Be willing to be held accountable
  • Seek Biblical Counsel
  • Saturate your mind with the word of God (Romans 12: 2)
  • Study resources every day by Covenant Eyes, XXXChurch, and read the posts on my blog about porn
  • Put up safeguards such as an internet filter and accountability report service like Covenant Eyes (use my affiliate link here to get the first month free)


Pornography is not harmless entertainment. Everyone involved suffers.

Everyone.

Friday, October 2, 2015

The Complexity and Root of Addiction





"A Failure of Worship"


I find addiction, and the bondage of addiction, to be very difficult to understand. It seems like overcoming addiction should be so simple, and especially for the Christian: Instead of doing that thing, how about next time you just don’t do that thing? Instead of opening that bottle, keep it closed. Instead of buying those pills, buy some groceries. Instead of typing in that web site, type in a different web site. Instead of walking through the doors of the casino, choose not to even go near the casino. If only it was so simple.


To treat addiction so simply is to misunderstand its very nature. I said recently that Kent Dunnington’s Addiction and Virtue is easily one of the most fascinating books I have read recently, and in that book he tells us why addiction is far more than making bad choices instead of good choices. Addicts are not simply satisfying a need or following habits, though they are doing those things as well. Addicts are actually seeking the good life, and are convinced it can be found in and through the addiction. Dunnington says it this way:



We are neither taught nor inclined to think of addicted persons as being actively and passionately engaged in the pursuit of the good life. We tend to think of them as persons who have checked out of the game or who are positively bent on destruction. But this is not so. I maintain that addictive behavior can tell us more than almost any other kind of human behavior about what human beings most deeply desire.


Addicts are expressing a universal desire, but are doing it in a more “sold out” way than most other people. If most people pursue the good life in a halfhearted way, addicts pursue it full-out.



Addiction, then, might be understood as the quest for … ecstatic intoxication. The addicted person, recognizing her own insignificance and her own insufficiency to realize perfect happiness, seeks to be taken up into a consuming experience, longs to be the object rather than the subject of experience, craves to suffer happiness rather than produce it.


“Ecstatic intoxication.” That is what addicts desire, whether the intoxication comes through a substance or an experience, through the rush of the drug or the rush of the sexual experience. In either case, addicts long for that consuming experience and convince themselves it can be found in drugs or alcohol or gambling or pornography or in whatever it is. In this way we see that addiction is actually a failure of worship.



Addictions are addicting just to the extent that they tempt us with the promise of such a perfect happiness, and they are enslaving just to the extent that they mimic and give intimations of this perfection. The depth and power of addiction become more intelligible as we come to see addiction as a counterfeit of the virtue of charity. As such, addiction is appropriately described as a failure of worship, a potent expression of idolatry in which we pursue in the immanent plane that which can only be achieved in relationship with the transcendent God. The cunning and allure of addiction is in fact brought out just to the extent that we see how stunningly addiction enables addicted persons to achieve [imitations] of the goods that right worship makes possible. Such a display demonstrates that addiction can most fittingly be characterized as an enactment of the striving of human persons to attain on their own the flourishing, integrity of self and ecstatic delight that is only to be received through right relationship with God.


Addiction is worship, a failed attempt to find in substances or experiences what can only be found in God. How can you see evidence of that worship? By the way the addiction becomes the means to elevate and interpret any experience.



The fact that anything can count as an excuse to use is a function of the power that addiction has to incorporate every aspect of an addicted person’s life into its own rhythms and rationales. It really is the case for the alcoholic that the good times are vacuous without alcohol, that the hard times are unbearable without alcohol, that loneliness doesn’t feel lonely with alcohol, that loving relationships are mediated by alcohol, that success can only be celebrated with alcohol, that only alcohol can insulate from rejection and so on. To be an alcoholic is to enter into such a relationship with alcohol that everything else in life makes sense only if it is accompanied by alcohol. … [A]ddiction transfigures the most ordinary activities into meaningful transactions.


Do you see it? The Bible calls us to incorporate worship of God into all of life’s rhythms and rationales. The hard times are unbearable without God, loneliness doesn’t feel [as] lonely when we are walking closely with God, loving relationships are mediated and enhanced by shared love for God, success is best celebrated with thanks to God, a relationship with God insulates us from rejection, and so on. To be a God-worshipper is to enter into such a relationship with God that everything else in life only makes sense if it is accompanied by him.


The addict is not merely following deeply-ingrained habits and physical desires, but seeking the escstasy of worship. The problem is not the desire to worship—we are created to be worshippers—but the idolatrous object of that worship. The addict looks elsewhere—anywhere—for what can be found only in God. The addict’s foremost failure is a failure of worship.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

3 Secrets to Putting a Dagger in the Heart of Porn




Originally posted on CovenantEyes.com


For anyone who has felt the weight of addiction, the thought of being free is beyond liberating. We fail to realize though, that the depths of our addiction didn’t happen in one day, so similarly our full victory will not be instantaneous.


A history of mistakes made, sin willfully indulged in, consequences suffered, and lessons learned has taught me that freedom from the habits which bind us become ours through the daily choices we make. Being stubbornly diligent is required for us to grow in our pursuit of purity.






3 Crucial Steps to Slaying Porn

Regardless of the depths of your addiction to the sin of pornography, there are a few steps you can daily apply that will better equip you to gain and walk in victory:


Read the rest of my guest post for the Covenant Eyes blog here

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