Healing from Sexual Brokenness

As an adolescent, I was homeschooled part of the time. My mother worked about 30 minutes away from home where my younger brother attended school (not returning home until early evening) and my sister was often at her best friend's house, also homeschooled, about an hour and a half away, so that meant I had a lot of time at home to myself. Cable TV became a great friend through its constant companionship. It wasn't only music videos I adored. I also consumed shows/movies on HBO and other channels that were filled with sexual deviancy. All I did with my time was watch, listen to, think about, and act on perversion. When I wasn't feeding lust in the home, I was acting on lust outside of it. Sex can become a symbol of one's identity and affect every area of life.


Looking back I can clearly see how those choices groomed me for future porn use and a monstrous mindset. I heard one porn star say that so much in her life has been ruined because of sex and unfortunately I find this statement all too accurate. To live for sex and sex only (in all its various forms and outlets) is to gut your life of a special meaning and purpose that can only result when you are in right standing with God and thus in right standing with yourself and others. If sex is your first priority, you will end up making choices that may have disastrous repercussions (not just in terms of your health, but your spiritual vitality, emotional well-being, maturity level, and thought life as well). It will change your life (or maybe a better way of wording it is to say it will take away from your existence).


So much time has been wasted. Hours and months and years just thrown down the drain simply because I lacked accountability, wisdom, healthy friendships, and a real relationship with God.


Please get super serious about your choices and take the time to ponder where your decisions are leading you. Who or what needs your attention that you have been neglecting in order to cater to your sexual fix (daily or hourly)? Do understand and pay attention to the warnings of Scripture regarding unrestrained living. Do make yourself accountable and pursue healing through biblical counseling. Do not delay with examining your heart and do not run away in shame from what you find dwelling there.


Change can happen. Recovery and transformation are real possibilities that many before you have already experienced. My life is proof that there is a God who saves, a Redeemer who rescues, a King who laid down His life for the sake of broken sinners and whose word grants us all we need to live rightly. The Lord has done a mighty work in my life, yet it hasn't been painless, nor consequence-free. Jesus has brought restoration to me in ways I never thought possible, yet the positive changes that have taken place have only occurred in the context of deliberate attention to my brokenness and then enlisting the help of others to help me heal.


"STEP 1.
ADMIT I have a struggle I cannot overcome without God.
STEP 2.
ACKNOWLEDGE the breadth and impact of my sin.
STEP 3.
UNDERSTAND the origin, motive, and history of my sin." Brad Hambrick


I still battle the temptation at times to return to my old ways as I remember what a quick fix sexual sin affords its victims. The fine print I am ignoring in those moments is that ungodliness has a price tag, and its cost can be high.


Be wise and learn from the mistakes of others. It would be foolish and illogical to think it's possible to outsmart the law of sowing and reaping. It isn't, my friends. If you all only knew the tears I've cried, the painful ulcer I've had off and on due to the heaviness of guilt and the secrets I've carried, and the countless conversations I've had with my now young adult brother about choices, consequences, living honorably, and taking God's word seriously. If you all only knew everything you are guaranteed to lose when you embark on the self-serving journey of unbridled indulgence! Please take it from me: get help! Confess your sinful choices to the Lord and ask Him to do whatever it takes to intervene in your life and make you a new creation in Him. It is through Jesus alone that your life can head down a totally new path, one that is only possible through an ongoing relationship with Him and the regular application of His word.


Despite the shame you feel and regardless of the humiliation that could result from dealing with the root issues of your sin, do not delay. Do not delay!


True change is possible. I am a work in progress, yet how different is the person I am today from who I once was! The cringe, the horror, really, is how I see the places I've been and the person I became over the course of time when pleasure was my god. Now I serve the true and living God. And even though my sex drive hasn't died and my insecurities sometimes threaten to overtake me, I continue to turn to the Lord and His word for wisdom, guidance, and strength. I continue to choose, day by day, to make myself accountable to the trusted few in my life who never fail to point me to God and His truth, telling me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.


We'd all love to believe that living in a fallen world with endless opportunities to give in to temptation means that we will always "struggle" -- but the word struggle implies a fight, and if each of us were totally honest with ourselves, we too often immediately surrender to the lures around us instead of putting up any sort of fight. We don't even try to have self-control and don't make seeking after God or hourly reading His word a priority. Then we wonder why our lives and minds are filled with wickedness and corruption, despite our want for change."You are only as sick as your secrets", as one quote says. And you will only continue to become worse if you do not actively choose, despite your feelings, to plead with God to bring along everything needed for you to repent and be changed from the inside out.


By committing your life fully to Jesus and making His word your "holy addiction" as someone once said, you are starting the path to true freedom and recovery. A life that is more fulfilling than the passing pleasures of deviant sin. But it is only through Jesus and His word that you will begin to see life, yourself, and sin for what it is. It is only through Jesus and His word that who we are on the inside can truly be refined. Not behavior modification without inward change, but tangible transformation of the mind, heart, affections, and even warped attractions/desires.


God exists. Jesus is worth it. Eternity is real. Our choices matter. Repentance is possible.


Please reach out for help. You can even write to me at EmmaJoyBlog@gmail.com or through the contact form on my blog so we can dialogue about these important matters and I can hopefully offer more practical counsel. Any questions are welcome. And if I don't have the answer, I can at least pray for you, point you to Christ and His word, and offer a list of resources that can aid in your particular struggles.


May you find new life through Jesus and discover the riches of a close walk with Him. A relationship, in fact, that will be the wisest use of your time, the most rewarding call on your life, the most impactful relationship you'll ever experience, and the way to order, beauty, and peace where there was once only chaos, filth, and turmoil.