Sunday, September 24, 2017

Why Wishing You Were Someone Else Is Futile





We all have days where we wish we were somebody else. Sometimes the stresses, losses, and unexpected trials of life blindside us and we find ourselves wanting to live someone else's life. This is a dangerous and illogical stance though because there is no telling what is happening in the behind-the-scenes of another person's life. For all you know, others might be wishing they could trade lives with you (despite how tedious your life seems in your own sight).


I've discovered through getting to know at least a handful of people very well that what they often portray on social media, out on the soccer field, or in passing conversation with fellow employees at work is not an accurate or full picture of the entirety of their existence. So much is left out. For example:


  • When you see pictures of a family on vacation, you don't see the terrible argument they got into on the drive to the airport, the health problems in the parents' lives that recently have become much more of a concern, or the pain in each family member's heart as they recall the loss of a beloved grandparent just weeks before. You don't see the father's workaholic ways or the mother's crippling fear of the unknown. All you see is smiling faces and beautiful scenery which stirs up envy in your heart and causes you to believe their lives are more enjoyable than they actually are.

  • When you observe a group of people laughing and having a good time, you don't see the addictions they secretly battle, the childhood trauma still fresh in their minds, or their current circumstances. This could be one of the first times they've laughed heartily in months!

  • When you wonder how that one guy at work always seems to be in a good mood and you envy his ability to make others laugh, you don't see the time years ago that he purposed to begin using humor as a way of coping with a home-life filled with the unexpected due to a family member's mental illness or physical disability.

  • When you notice a woman whose appearance and house are always well-kept, you're not aware that her past was filled with disorder and the lack of beauty and structure during her formative years has greatly influenced her perfectionist ways.

  • When you watch viral videos by well-known YouTubers who have millions of subscribers and a few book deals, you might not think that sometimes he or she wishes they could go back to the safety of anonymity and obscurity when leaving the house for a day of fun and errands brought a sense of freedom and independence instead of their every move being recorded and speculated about on a grand scale through gossip magazines and the array of social media platforms available online.

  • This holiday season, when you see an SUV ahead of you at the intersection with a beautiful Christmas tree hoisted on top (something you could not currently afford), what you don't see is the previous living circumstances and financial strain that prevented them from purchasing a tree for the last five years (even though they really wanted to).

  • ...and lest you conclude that someone else has a more fulfilling life because they have money or travel often, what you don't see is that despite their apparent financial security and opportunity to shop or visit landmarks around the world, they might be utterly devoid of maturity, good character, and rich friendships. They might be insecure or have terrible non-existent relationships with their family. They might be trying to make a name for themselves through impressing others because they don't know their worth through Jesus or find their security and identity in Christ alone.



We are all complicated and complex creatures who have experiences, thoughts, emotions, and feelings others are largely unaware of. Evidence of this is the suicide of someone whom people would never guess struggled with anything life-threatening. Just spending time observing a person's bank account, internet history, or refrigerator will give you glimpses into the sort of person they are that apart from such knowledge, you'd have not a clue of these habits and interests of theirs.


Please don't think that other people are better than you. Sure, they might be better off, but that doesn't mean that this season of life will continue indefinitely in their lives (or yours).


There are things in my own life that I experienced as a child or teen that I am not open about with others. There are sins I have committed, places I have gone, people I have known, hurts that I still carry, and disappointments that sometimes flood my mind with waves of sadness that even those closest to me aren't aware of. I know for certain that my dad and grandmother think highly of me and sometimes I shake my head in disbelief or cringe inside over who I have been and who I am still capable of becoming that would bring them great pain if they only knew. This is proof that who someone is today (and what they have today) isn't a full picture of their life story (past or future). I'd venture to say that what we see on the surface in most people's lives is an edited version of their actual reality. It is the putting of their best foot forward, accentuating the glamorous and hiding the struggles. Shining a spotlight on the few fun or interesting aspects of life while keeping in the dark what is mundane and draining. I say this often but it is worth repeating: You don't know where someone has been or where they are headed. Life can change at anytime. Loss is a guarantee in this fallen world (to one degree or another, to one extent or another).


Our best option is to take responsibility for our own lives, make sure we are in right standing with God and others, build healthy and good habits, set short and long-term goals with action steps we can begin applying immediately, and take care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally through the right means and setting needed and appropriate boundaries. If we are ever seeking to better ourselves and honor God in every facet of our existence, we need not be concerned with the paths of others. We should feel led to pray for the less fortunate and for those who have more...because possessions, prestige, and privilege don't always guarantee a desirable life.


"If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd quickly grab ours back." Unknown

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