The Longing for Connection

By Henry Cloud

Your plane lands, and the flight attendant says, “It is now safe to use your mobile phones.” You turn yours on, and what’s the first thing that happens? You receive a message at the top of the screen that reads: “Searching . . .” or “Searching for connection . . .” or “Searching for network . . .”


Until the phone connects with the network, nothing happens. But when it connects, miracles occur. The phone’s capabilities are now empowered to be all they were designed to be. It can now automatically download or fix bugs in the software; it can download new apps that enable it to do things it couldn’t do before. Through this connection, all of the resources of the outside world are suddenly at your disposal and ready to provide benefit. Through this link, the phone connects you to the entire world, all of its information and knowledge, help and skill, to enable better performance. From this one connection, almost anything is possible. The phone surpasses its previous limits . . . it can get bigger, and better.


But without a connection to the right network, that little device will never be able to do everything it was designed to do. Sure, it might still be able to tell you the time or see a calendar of your events or serve as a repository of previous communication and photos, but without a strong and steady connection, nothing new or better can occur. Without a connection, the device has hit its limit. It continues to produce the same results you were producing on the plane, even if you try harder.


Humans are exactly like that. You are like that; I am like that. From the moment we are born, the moment we land, a “chip” inside each of us starts searching for a connection to the right network, one that will provide us with the energy and information (coding) to go beyond our present ability, experience, and performance. And this searching, this needing a connection, is not optional for any of us. It is hardwired and always on, even when we don’t know it and even when we don’t even desire it.


As long as you are alive, your heart and mind and soul will be searching for a connection. An “other.” Several others. A community that will bring life, all the ingredients of life that you need to get past the limit of your present existence and performance.


The need for connection begins before infancy and continues throughout life—from the womb to the tomb. If you are alive, you need it to thrive, period.