Having a Fear of Failure and Rejection

Taken from

The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships

By Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

Fears and Forgiveness

1. Fear of losing control. Some people feel very uncomfortable when they are not in control of a situation. To ask a person to forgive you means to relinquish control and put the future of the relationship in the other person's hands. Subconsciously, you may find this very difficult.
2. Fear of rejection. When you seek forgiveness, the other person may say no--that is, reject your request. That can feel like personal rejection. For some of us, being rejected is our greatest fear.
3. Fear of failure. To admit you are wrong can feel as though you have failed a person, or even failed in keeping your moral beliefs. To those with this fear, admitting wrong is equivalent to saying, "I am a failure."

...fear of failure--like fear of rejection--is one of the most common fears of humankind! The first step is to acknowledge this fear, first to ourselves, saying something like:


"This is one of my fears. This is why I find it difficult to apologize. But I know that no one is perfect, including me. Sometimes I do and say things that offend my spouse or my friend, and it causes a detrimental effect on our relationship. The only way to amend relationships is by apologizing, so I must learn to apologize in spite of my fear. I understand that making a mistake, saying or doing something that offends another person, is something that all of us do. It does not mean that I am a failure. To admit that what I did was wrong doesn't make me a failure. In fact, it will help me bring healing to my relationship. Therefore, I will go against my fear and apologize. I will admit that I am wrong and I will ask forgiveness."


The person who reasons like this is on the road to becoming a good apologizer and a healthy individual.