Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Pain of Suffering Loss

As recently posted in the Emma Joy Weekly Newsletter

Loss, especially unexpectedly, has the potential of shaking a person's faith, leading them into grave depression, causing suicidal thoughts, triggering unhealthy coping mechanisms, enabling compromise, and stealing our joy.

I have experienced great loss over the last few months and other forms of loss just a year before. My family and I lost our house (which was spacious, beautiful, and in the perfect area), our ability to buy whatever we wanted, having to sell or donate a lot of our stuff, my mom had to begin working full-time after being a stay-at-home mom for nearly a decade, we could no longer afford the vitamins I need for my mental state to improve, and my step dad's absence (through walking out) has resulted in the loss of spiritual leadership, a father figure at home, and having someone there whom I could talk to about anything at any time.

Yes, life has been less stressful being away from the person my step dad became. And yes, God provided a nice place for us to live with the perfect floor plan, many luxuries, the ability to take long walks morning and night in a safe and lovely area, go to the gym 24/7 if I wanted, enjoy beautiful scenery, have our own garage, and be only three miles away from our previous house. I would cook and took pride in cleaning. The rooms were spacious. We were close to everything we needed. ...

Then a month ago they wanted to raise our rent by nearly two hundred dollars so we had to move and have been staying at my grandfather's home for the last three weeks and will be going to stay with my newly married sister and her husband today until we save enough money to get our own place.

I must sound so spoiled saying this but our living situation now is not the most ideal. This isn't to say we haven't learned lessons in this current season of life. My family & I all have and know God will continue teaching us lessons when we go to stay with my sister (who is the opposite of me so this should be interesting). Even though we were thankful, I know we took a lot for granted simply by way of thinking we would never lose anything else. The words of C. S. Lewis come to mind here, "Never let your happiness depend on something you might lose."

I do realize that learning lessons and growing in Christ-like character is more important than material comforts and I treasure & respect the Lord for the work He is seeking to do in each of our lives during this current season unlike anything we have experienced before.

I look forward to being more keen to opportunities where we can meet needs and be generous to those in a similar situation because we now know what it is like. I am hopeful and trusting that God is able to bless my family and I with a nice home again and that He is sovereign and in control despite our tendency to doubt. One lesson we've learned is to not complain and to see even the smallest blessings as grand. I am thankful for who God is and that He is a faithful God who restores in His perfect way and timing.

I regretfully haven't kept up with writing to those who contact me through my blog because I've been terribly down and my complaining heart and anger lately has been anything but honoring to God. It has blinded me for the most part to everything that is right in life and filled me with a rage you wouldn't believe. My emotions fluctuate from being super mad to being on my face before God in humble gratitude for everything He has done for me and like Job I then "repent in dust and ashes" (Job 42: 5-6) for shaking my fist at One who is most worthy.

Isn't it interesting how we form ideas about others while having limited knowledge about them and then worse yet, compare ourselves to them as if how they appear is worth envying?

As a blogger and someone who is fond of reading and writing, I see aspects of people's lives that I am jealous of at times. I have been quite transparent on my blog while leaving details about my personal life unknown.

I just want to encourage you all to not compare yourselves to other people. You never know what they are going through (or have gone through) and thoughts or habits that have the ability to destroy them if not taken captive and placed hourly under the Lordship and care of Christ.

I would appreciate prayer for my family at this time. We are hurting in many ways. Even though there is a lot to be thankful for we are still wrestling with confusion and sadness, just wanting to gain a greater sense of normalcy and be restored.


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