The Power of Words

"Raising Secure Children"

by Charles Stanley

We too easily forget how powerful a parent’s influence can be on a child. In certain situations, a simple, offhand comment from a distracted mom or dad may be all it takes to plant a seed of insecurity. Then, unless wisdom is sensitively applied, a lack of confidence can develop. Let’s consider ways parents inadvertently foster insecurity in their kids.

First, a home atmosphere marked by chaos and volatility keeps children off balance, on guard, and nervous. As adults, they may feel rejected or unloved and could be prone to see themselves as unworthy of acceptance and affection.

Second, negative comments about a child’s performance or character strike at the heart of his or her personhood and significantly affect personal development.

Third, unrealistic expectations can create the feeling of conditional love. If a child believes his parents will love him only if he lives up to their expectations—whether in academics, athletics, or some other area—he will grow up under the weight of a terrible burden.

Fourth, lack of positive reinforcement can be crippling. Imagine if you did your absolute best whenever you tried something but never heard the slightest word of encouragement? Over time, this kind of deprivation can strip one of confidence in his or her abilities.

The job of raising kids certainly isn’t without challenges. But even when you face frustrations—family-related or not—be mindful that words and actions influence boys and girls powerfully. Whatever their ages, choose to instill a spirit of confidence in your children.