Relational Assessment

Written by Chip Ingram

" ... As I was thinking about this today something came to mind that I’ve never considered. Every April we do an exercise that forces us to evaluate our finances for the last 12 months. It’s called April 15- tax time! Like you, I’m getting various pieces of mail that I put in a folder to help me prepare to do my taxes… I’m rummaging through my drawers and envelopes to find receipts so I can clearly assess what I’ve spent, where I spent it, and how much I’m going to owe. With that in mind, can you imagine what it would be like to do a relational assessment? I’m serious, what would it do in our hearts and lives if we did an inventory in our relationships just like we do in our money?
I started thinking about it out loud and I’ve put it in a form of a few questions that I think may be of help to you and to me as we consider this process.
Ask yourself these questions as a way to do an assessment of your most important relationships for the past 12 months:

Relationship with God -
- Am I surrendered? Am I experiencing His presence?
- Am I loving Him more deeply? Am I enjoying Him more fully?
- Are there any barriers? Do I sense His pleasure?
- Am I motivated to meet with Him? Am I practicing His presence throughout the day?

Relationship with Family -
- As a husband, am I loving my wife the way Christ loves the Church?
- As a wife, am I respecting my husband in a way that honors and encourages him?
- Are we making time for one another and our family?
- As a dad, am I leading my family spiritually?
- As a mother, am I nurturing and encouraging my children’s relationship with one another?
- As child/student, am I honoring my parents?
- As an adult child, am I honoring my elderly parents?
- Am I communicating with my family regularly? Do I pray for my family members and encourage them?

Relationship with my Friends -
- As a friend, do I love at all times and am I the kind of person who is born to help another person through adversity? (Proverbs 17:17)
- Am I sharpening and helping my friend’s growth in Christ?
- Am I speaking the truth in love? Am I critical or encouraging?
- Am I taking time out to nurture relationships and dig deep wells of relationships in the midst of busy work and life schedules?
- Am I being honest with what’s really going on inside of me?
- Am I a good roommate? Do I communicate honestly and from the heart on a regular basis with those I call friends?
- Am I looking for what I give in relationships or only what I can get?

Relationship with Myself -
- Am I taking time for me?
- Am I stewarding well my physical body? Am I getting enough sleep, eating the right food, and exercising?
- Am I cultivating the intellectual side of my life?
- Am I living an unhurried life?
- Am I coming to accept God’s unconditional love and understanding of me when I fail?
- Am I learning to set clear boundaries for those people who have unrealistic expectations for my life?
- Have I discovered my primary spiritual gift and know clearly my strengths and weaknesses? "