Wednesday, September 10, 2014

9 Hang-Ups That Keep You From Finding Purity


And women...

I am thankful to announce that today's blog is a guest post by Jeff Fisher.  He lives in Raleigh, NC, with his wife Marsha and two boys.  They run and  Jeff helps guys with online support groups, getting their accountability jumpstarted, and one-on-one purity coaching.  He is a frequent writer for Covenant Eyes,,, and Church, and hosts The Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (I-Tunes).

"9 Hang-Ups That Keep You From Finding Purity"
by Jeff Fisher

It's tough when God puts a vision on your heart for purity and you can't seem to get there. 

God's Holy Spirit will always move us toward purity.  It's all over the book of Leviticus when God says, "Be holy and I am holy.".  Peter picks this theme up too when he says that believers are "a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God." 

The ultimate "call to purity" verse in the New Testament is Ephesians 5:3 where it says "but among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity."

Why do we plateau?  Why does the purity momentum stop?  Or why can't we get momentum for purity in the first place? 

Let me list off a few hang-ups I see guys and gals struggling with that keep them from being pure:

1.  Stubbornness - They won't give up things they know are bad.  They don't want to surrender.

2.  Ignorance - They don't know how to give up the things that are bad.

3.  Not healing from  wounds - The sexual struggler has wounds from the past that have done great damage emotionally, relationally, mentally, and sometimes physically. 

4.  Spiritual disconnect - They don't know how to connect with God.  Perhaps they are not believers in Jesus to begin with?  They might be angry at God.  They might not see God as relational. 

5.  Isolation - They have few or no friends to talk with.  If they do have friends they do not feel safe to share their secrets with them. 

6.  Lack of Support - This may be tied to isolation, but some strugglers are genuinely trying to find safe people, a group, a counselor, or accountability and have trouble finding it. 

7.  Lack of Resources - Good purity resources are out there, but they might take some time to find.  It can be frustration, especially early in the journey, when you want to learn, but can't find the right resources.

8.  Lost hope (I don't care anymore) - When your will and motivation poop out recovery stops.  Momentum stops and all you see is your present failures. 

9.  Anger - A person who has unmet expectations, failure, past wounds, disappointments, failed relationships, high stress, or any number of emotional triggers can easily become angry.   Anger, bitterness, unforgiveness... these all put a damper on our purity journey. 

If you're stuck in your purity journey it's time to be brave, muster up some courage and reach out in a new direction.  You have to take a new step.  You have to knock on a new door.   You have to try something different.

Deep down inside, God is still calling us to purity.  Listen to that directive, and take the next step. 


Here are some of the resources we offer: - Jeff and Marsha Fisher have been through it.  We have been in recovery from Jeff's sexual sin for the last 7 years.  Now we are able to help others with coaching, support groups, and accountability. - Our sister site that has tons of great resources, blogs, podcasts, and links to other sites to help you find purity.

Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast - Jeff has podcasted for 5 years about key recovery topics.  This is a treasure of good recovery insights, spiritual thoughts, and quick tips.  Available through I-Tunes.


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