Friday, February 14, 2014

What Are You Looking For In a Spouse?

Girls, what sort of husband are you looking for?  A man who is financially stable?  Attractive?  Funny?  Outgoing?  Shy?  Knows God and His word well?  Has genuine accountability and godly friendships?  Willing to seek godly counsel?  Willing to admit he is wrong and be corrected and confronted?  Willing to apologize?  Studies the Bible and is a student of God's word...praying often that God would steel his mind with the truth of God's word?  Exhibits the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5: 22-23)?  Has learned lessons with God?  Is daily committed to God?  Fears, trusts, and obeys God? ...

Guys, what sort of wife are you looking for?  A good cook?  Beautiful in appearance?  Flirtatious?  Fun?  Easy going?  A woman after God's heart?  Someone who will honor God by her decisions and dress in a manner that honors you...before you even meet?  Considerate?  Gracious?  Will be a support to you?  Will pray with and for you?  A keeper of the home?  Organized?  A prayer warrior?  A godly example?  Intelligent?  Seeks to advance God's Kingdom by her speech, actions, behavior, goals, example, how she spends time, and even how she does her makeup?  We all know of girls who would not be considered a God fearing woman because of their "loud" or sensuous makeup...

We all have an idea in our minds of what we long for in a marriage relationship.  We all find different looks, personalities, and character qualities appealing according to our own taste.  What one might see as attractive might be unappealing to someone else.  Some people like those who are shy.  Some want to be with one who is loud and outgoing.

A question you might find helpful to consider is:  "What physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, personality, and character traits will best enable my future marriage to be the exception and not the rule?  What will ensure our relationship to continue to grow and blossom?  Will it be physical beauty and sexual intimacy?  Will it be having money and a good paying job?  Will it be the fun times you have together, a similar sense of humor, or having hobbies you enjoy doing together? ..."

While we may enjoy these things in a spouse, it is only God and a daily commitment to Him that will bring lasting growth and oneness in your marriage.  Seeking after the Lord together through praying as a couple (starting in your dating relationship), praying for one another, reading God's word together, keeping God first in each of your lives and your relationship, committing your marriage to the Lord and asking Him to be the center of it and each of your lives always and to be the sustainer of your relationship, the One who blesses it, brings it about, and gives you and your spouse a love for and the desire for only one another.  Praying, even now, that God would keep all adultery, strip clubs, pornography, bad influences, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, homosexuality, and other issues far from both of you (this is what is on my heart...your list might look a bit different).  Seeking godly counsel as a couple.  Keeping the lines of communication open between one another, your accountability partners, God, and even your parents (as God wills).

...Building your relationship on the Rock, Jesus Christ and giving Him precedence in every decision you make as a couple, seeking godly counsel and wisdom from trusted mentors and God honoring friendships before rushing into something.  Remembering that indeed, "A Christ-centered relationship is a relationship that lasts."

What do you desire most in a spouse?  What will you not live without?
 Are you trusting that God is able to bring this about in His perfect way and timing?
 Do you believe that God knows the desires of your heart?

You might find this helpful and rewarding:

"10 Essentials for Your Marriage"
by James Dobson

1. Reserve time for one another at all costs. 

2. Spend only what you have -- financial stress kills romance. 

3. Leave no room for selfishness -- be relationship givers and not takers. 

4. Make sure the “leave and cleave” principle takes place (Genesis 2:24). 

5. Bring your expectations in line with reality -- the perfect spouse does not exist. 

6. Trust one another and build reasonable boundaries -- jealousy and trust rarely co-exist. 

7. Avoid alcohol or substance abuse, pornography, gambling and other potential addictions that will quickly kill your marriage and your life. 

8. Be content with having enough -- “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (Proverbs 30:8). 

9. Think of your marriage as a marathon -- you will need determination and faith to go the distance of a lifetime.

10. Keep Christ at the center and remember His words, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).


Melody Ambler said...

Hi Emma Joy, I really enjoy and am
Blessed by your blog. God has blessed you with a lot of wisdom! I was wondering if there was any way of pinning your blogs to my Christian boards. Also, a lot of my blogs have fairly recently been diverted to my spam column, and I don't know why. One blogger said there had been a change in google, or something, and when she changed that, the blog was back in my inbox. Thanks for listening to my input, and for faithfully sharing what God puts on your heart. I a always blessed! Thank you!!

Emma Joy said...


Thank you for the sweet compliments. I am grateful to God for blessing me with many Christian resources to study and the ability to spend time seeking after Him. Writing is a passion of mine, so to express my thoughts through writing is a great outlet!

If you use Gmail, "follow by email" might be delivered to the "Promotions" tab at the top of the page. Whatever email provider you use, if the Emma Joy blog posts are delivered to the spam folder, try to see if there is an option that says, "Not spam" on the most recent one and I believe it should start being delivered to the regular inbox.

Also, I recently set up my blog where you can share posts you like on Twitter or Facebook, as well as sending them to someone (or yourself) through email which would make it possible to keep the posts without them getting lost or deleted. I tried setting it up where the posts could be pinned to Pinterest boards, yet from what I could tell, this isn't possible and will only deliver photos and not the actual blog entry.

Thank you again for writing. I am grateful when readers of the Emma Joy blog leave comments or send a note to me through email. It is encouraging!

♥ Emma Joy

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